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I'll be a mum to 2 at 19 (and DM a grandma to 2 in her 30s) AMA

(99 Posts)
qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 19:22:24

We get a lot of weird comments (some very positive, some judgey), so if it's of any interest, AMA!

Nextphonewontbesamsung Sun 30-Jun-19 19:23:58

Did you plan to have either or both of your children when you did?

LakeIsle48 Sun 30-Jun-19 19:27:46

I've no questions to ask you but I wish that I was in your shoes. I'm a parent to a 20 and 22 year old and I'm 53 and I'm knackered. If i had my time back I would have had them at your age!

Baritriwsahys Sun 30-Jun-19 19:29:06

When did you have your first? When did your mum have you?

No judgement here, just curious

whattodo2019 Sun 30-Jun-19 19:29:57

Are you and your children happy? Can you provide for your children?
Personally I wouldn't have coped with 2 children at 19 but there are plenty of people who can. I think age is irrelevant but I do think a secure future for your children is. Education is often the key.
Good luck xxx

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 19:30:45


Neither. DC1 was conceived due to me being careless and immature and thinking it could never happen to me (well, it did, but I'm very glad).
DC2 was a genuine contraceptive failure as I've been extremely cautious since DC1 so completely unexpected!

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 19:31:44

@LakeIsle48 thank you - I think there's pros and cons to having them at any age but definitely nicer to hear that than 'why the hell do you have children as a teenager?!'

Nextphonewontbesamsung Sun 30-Jun-19 19:34:21

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 19:34:37

@Baritriwsahys 20 for DM, 16 for me!

@whattodo2019 very happy. I can provide but I do wish I could be able to give more!

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 19:35:19

@Nextphonewontbesamsung I didn't say that smile

Baritriwsahys Sun 30-Jun-19 19:35:53

Message deleted as it quotes a deleted post.

hopeishere Sun 30-Jun-19 19:36:53

Can you outline the exact timeline ages so I can follow this better.

@Nextphonewontbesamsung that's a bit of a jump! Just because someone chooses not to have an abortion doesn't mean they don't agree with it. What a horrid comment.

Nextphonewontbesamsung Sun 30-Jun-19 19:38:02

No, I'm surmising it from your situation. Why would you knowingly have two children before you turn 20 if you didn't actively want either of them beforehand?

MrsMiggins37 Sun 30-Jun-19 19:38:07

Are the dads still around?

How do you think it’ll impact things like work, education etc?

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 19:39:15

@Nextphonewontbesamsung not really sure how to respond - I may not have actively wanted to get pregnant but I'm completely happy that I did and happy in my decisions to keep DC!

Nextphonewontbesamsung Sun 30-Jun-19 19:41:16

It's not a "horrid comment" at all! I completely disagree, take the emotion out of it for a minute.

If you have a mistake with your contraception and aren't planning to have a child, why would you not have an abortion? Unless you have some calling against it?

If you knowingly had a contraceptive failure, why would you not take the MAP?

I am genuinely curious to know.

hsegfiugseskufh Sun 30-Jun-19 19:41:21

samsung how rude! A lot of women keep babies from unplanned pregnancies because they want to and they can.

Doesnt mean theyre anti abortion!

AllTheWhoresOfMalta Sun 30-Jun-19 19:41:44

I’m mid 30s and went to school with a girl who is now a grandmother. I just can’t imagine it! Mine are preschool age and she’s got a grandchild older than my youngest.

I suppose what I wonder about her and will ask you is what do you regret not doing before you had children?

WellErrr Sun 30-Jun-19 19:42:12

Thanks for demonstrating the type of judgey comments OP must get, Next 🙄

hsegfiugseskufh Sun 30-Jun-19 19:42:54

If you knowingly had a contraceptive failure, why would you not take the MAP?

Unless it was a condom splitting youd have absolutely no idea your contraception had failed until you had a positive pregnancy test.

Nextphonewontbesamsung Sun 30-Jun-19 19:43:43

Again, it is not rude. It is a question - as in Ask Me Anything - I am asking. It is NOT rude, it is what many people would ask.

WellErrr Sun 30-Jun-19 19:43:47

If you have a mistake with your contraception and aren't planning to have a child, why would you not have an abortion? Unless you have some calling against it?

DH brought me a bar of chocolate the other night. I’m actively trying not to eat much sugar at the moment, and I wasn’t expecting it, but it was a nice surprise so I had it anyway.

WellErrr Sun 30-Jun-19 19:44:38

It’s extremely rude, and no ive never heard ANYONE ask anyone that question. Ever.

qwertyq Sun 30-Jun-19 19:45:46

@Nextphonewontbesamsung it wasn't a contraceptive failure I was aware of until I took the test!

@MrsMiggins37 yes, both.

I do worry that it'll affect things like work especially. I've always wanted to get onto a career path and progress and although I'm confident that I'm mature, intelligent, work-driven and capable, I worry that any employer will see 2 bouts of maternity leave before 20 and not give me a second look for how it must seem! I'm not naive to the judgement or stereotypes so it's hard when I start to worry!

Nextphonewontbesamsung Sun 30-Jun-19 19:46:39

What on earth has your bar of chocolate got to do with having a child WellErr? Are you being serious?

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