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Talk Roundup
13 March 2009

Flowers by florists

The hot gossip on the adult fiction talkboard this week was provided by the "tiresome Myersons", after writer Julie Myerson's new book about her son's drug use hit the headlines. "I don't see how anyone can justify serving up her son's worst times for public consumption," concluded willowthewispa (and everyone else). DaisyMooSteiner spied evidence of early parental failure in a Telegraph photo of the author spoon-feeding her baby son: "If only she'd done baby-led weaning it might all have been different." "My cynicism is further fuelled by my very strong suspicion that Julie Myerson is the author of Living with Teenagers," admitted glasjam, no fan of the former Guardian column. But these wicked Mumsnet rumours were officially quashed in the Telegraph. Myerson also denied authorship when she was 'asked three times' about the matter by a Times journalist, but later came clean in the Guardian. "I am now PMSL at Times' report that she Denied It Three Times," chortled motherinferior. "D'you think a cock crowed to bring her to recantation?"

More literary condemnation when Peachy asked Am I being unreasonable in thinking it's probably best not to send your child to school for World Book Day dressed as Hitler? "Does anyone else's thought process run along the lines of 'Oh, a favourite literary character? No darling, skip Roald Dahl, Seuss and Grimm...we'll go for a genocidal maniac instead!" "I doubt very much that the child has even read Mein Kampf," objected Lizzylou. "What's wrong with Harry Potter FGS?" "Can't see the problem," mused seeker, "Mine went in as Chairman Mao. The Red Book is his favourite bedtime reading." "Could they have got World Book Day and World Dictator Day all confused?" wondered Boco.

TheDevilWearsPrimark had been dipping a toe into the baffling world of crap tips this week: "Things to do with plastic CD cases. Save lots and paint them with letters for a giant Scrabble board." Squonk was unimpressed with advice 'to preserve the freshness of bread, keep it in a sealed bag/container': "No shit Sherlock." Bleh spluttered at the gems on the Pick Me Up magazine archive: "'After I had decorated our living room I couldn't find any nice pictures to put up, so I made my own finishing touch. I got a cuddly toy dragon from a toyshop and attached it to the wall with nails'. Why?!" While Comewhinewithme recalled reading about "a woman who had lived next door to a nursing home; when it closed she nicked all the walking sticks from its skip and used them as curtain rails".

TonyAlmeida is waging a personal campaign for more accurate Mother's Day cards instead of the usual 'Best Mum' fare: "You are OK most of the time but God sometimes you annoy me" or perhaps Mumsnet cards: "FWIW, IMO you are OK, IIRC." Many were in agreement. "I deliberately avoid any that say 'To a Great Mum' or to 'The Best Mum in the World' as it feels slightly hypocritical when all I do is moan about her," admitted nigglewiggle. "I opted for 'Happy Mother's Day' as it would be a start if she could stop being miserable." "I bet there is a market for this," pondered entrepreneurial Boco. "I might get onto Phoenix cards with a design for 'You're OK as mums go, bit annoying maybe, especially when you undermine my parenting constantly'." TigerFeet wanted her own tribute to Larkin: "You f*cked me up. Now please allow me to f*ck my daughter up in my own way." Or maybe just skip the card and stick to gin or chocolates.

MORNINGPAPER XXX

THE BOOK EVERYONE'S TALKING ABOUT - or will be if you go into your local Waterstones, Borders etc and ask loudly where copies of Toddlers: The Mumsnet Guide are, rearrange their display, rifle through a copy and snort with laughter, demand they order copies if it's not in stock, go online and post witty, incisive reviews on Amazon etc, plaster publicity posters around your neighbourhood...

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