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Talk Roundup
23 January 2009

Siblu

Am I being unreasonable to find threads about what is common - common? asked tatt. "Isn't there something terribly insecure about wanting to label other people in a derogatory fashion?" Squeaver thought it was a jolly good jape: "One of my favourite ways to wind up DH is to decide that completely random things are common e.g. Bounty bars, hair slides, broccoli, Mini Coopers. 'But WHY are they common?' he yells. 'If you don't know, you'll never know,' I say enigmatically with my nose in the air." "I do that!" Noonki squealed in recognition, admitting that her poor DH was consequently under the delusion that odd things were posh "like chocolate oranges or cats eyes or garlic presses." TheButterflyEffect thought we had stumbled upon a great new idea for a Mumsnet talkboard: "AIBC?!!"

We were confessing the most unsuitable place we ever got the giggles this week, with funerals and gynaecologists' offices proving popular venues for spontaneous hysteria. Pagwatch recalled the day she first met her future in-laws and was shown Grandpa's collection of Nazi memorabilia: "The tension was terrible - when MIL was fumbling around for something nice to say and described a Nazi helmet as 'jaunty', I spat Victoria sponge across the room via my nose." Frazzledoldbag fell to pieces when the distinguished pianist at a charity ball whipped out a kazoo and started to play and izzylemonade couldn't bear her optician getting up close and personal: "It feels like they are going to kiss you...I totally lost it."

What is the most backhanded compliment you have ever received? asked smugaboo, who was once told: "If you were 10 pounds lighter, I'd ask you out." Lizzylou's husband reassured her: "You look nice in the dark" while VinegarTits asked her ex-partner whether she looked like his ex-wife, only to be told, "No, you look nothing like her. She was beautiful." Mrsgboring was told she bore no resemblance to Ann Widdecombe because "'she's got dark hair': this was before she went blonde and we became twins, obviously." Meanwhile Hk78 bumped into an ex in town who charmed her with the phrase: "Oh, I still would. Even though you've got really old." And last but not least, kerala was wooed with the claim, "You're the most beautiful girl I've ever met - in Bristol."

"Oh my farking god, I fancy Michael Howard!" wept WilfSell this week after watching archive footage of an ancient Oxford Union debate: "Phwoar. That's rather worrying, isn't it?" MaryMotherOfCheeses confessed that she was having her morning martial jiggery and listening to the radio when the news turned to John Prescott: "I had to turn the radio off because it was putting me off." "I don't see what's wrong with Prescott," objected morningpaper. "He's very manly. He would definitely get up and investigate strange noises in the night." WilfSell agreed this was an important pre-requisite in a lover: "I made DH get up just the other night when something crashed. It was a tin of beans precariously stacked on his 'what we'll do if capitalism collapses' shelf." "I might shag Hilary Benn," mused Penthesileia, "But I'd be thinking of his dad."

Moving on to other special relationships, we were saying Goodbye Dubya, here comes the Barack and Michelle show this week as we watched the 44th President take his oath over the noise of small children demanding 'Beebies'. "Dd has just puked down herself," muttered Riven. "Thank gawd she wasn't invited to the inauguration." "Do you think Mrs Bush changed the bed sheets for them," mused TheDevilWearsPrimark, "or just couldn't be arsed as she was busy on momsnet?" But NewAmazingBeginning was being stalked by the green-eyed monster as she eyed up the new First Lady: "It will be a hell of a night to do the President!" Definitely the man we'd all like in our oval office.

MORNINGPAPER XXX

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