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THE BOOK EVERYONE'S TALKING ABOUT: or will be if you go into your local Waterstones, Borders etc and ask loudly where copies of Toddlers: The Mumsnet Guide are, rearrange their display, rifle through a copy and snort with laughter, demand they order copies if it's not in stock, go online and post witty, incisive reviews on Amazon etc, plaster publicity posters around your neighbourhood...

Talk Roundup
6 February 2009

Mumsnet

Even the New Look Mumsnet was not enough for some people: The site is good but the emoticons are absolute crap, moaned Gunnerbean this week. "Surely they can do better?" Southeastastra tried to explain the situation in simple terms: "Mnetters rely on real life words to portray how they're feeling innit?" JollyPirate thought we already had all the emoticons needed: "Nothing says, 'for god's sake you are SO wrong' like [hmm]." "Perhaps work on expressing yourself in other ways," chirped a helpful ShowOfHands. "Try a thesaurus. Most computers have them. You'll be getting your point across in no time." "I think all emoticons are shite," complained SheherazadetheGoat bitterly. "If I want to look at exaggerated soulless faces conveying simplistic emotions I will turn CBeebies on."

Fanjo troubles this week for idobelieveinfairies who wanted to know why 'that area' was vibrating: "It feels like there is a mobile phone in there that starts vibrating now and again. Does anyone else get this?" Whomovedmychocolate confirmed that the OP was not alone: "I always thought maybe it was leftover pressure from unresolved conquests." Angelene was also a sufferer: "Shall we start a support group? The coffee mornings would be interesting, if nothing else."

Marital upset this week chez peggotty after her husband told her that she looked like she could be related to Jamie Oliver: "Apparently it is my 'full lips'...I only posted last week on another thread to say that he looks like he would be a terrible kisser!" "TBH I've never noticed Jamie Oliver's lips," reassured Tidey. "I'm too distracted by his huge flobbery tongue." Herbietea's husband was similarly tactless: "When I complained I was bored, he said 'Isn't there a club you can go to? A slimming club would be good!'" MadamDeathstare understood: "When I asked DH whether my jeans made my butt look the size of Kansas, he replied 'No, Rhode Island or one of the smaller states.' There are some questions you just don't ask a man."

Habbibu was pondering what would be posted on ChildrensNet: "AIBU? I thought I wanted an omelette for lunch, and so convinced DM to make it, but then decided I wanted soup. DM wasn't having any of it, and DF backed her up!" RealityIsMyOnlyValentine suggested: "All I wanted to do was get out of the car via the front door, a simple request. Despite screaming my request at the top of my voice, my DM offered me the choice of getting out by the back door as usual (bor-ing) or staying in the car on my own. Well, I had no option but to escalate to a force 12 tantrum." And KayHarker imagined the indignity of the bedtime routine: "He then forced me to STRIP and put all my perfectly serviceable clothes in a BIN, when I wanted to leave them on the floor to wear the next time I felt like it."

Norksinmywaistband reminded us that they still have the power to twist the knife: Guess what my DD said to me as I was putting her to bed? "Tucking her in I told her I loved her and that she was my favourite girl as always. Her reply was 'I love you too, you are my favourite daddy'." On receiving the friendly rebuke, "Oh silly, I'm not daddy, I'm mummy!" her DD insisted: "Then why do you have a moustache?" Time for the Jolene again, methinks.

MORNINGPAPER XXX

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