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5 September 2008
Do you think MN attracts an unrepresentative number of people with neurotic, obsessive and highly anxious characteristics? wondered Bringbackmybonnietome. "Most people I know are reasonably laid back and do not obsess about food/names/cleaning/parties." "All I know is that I arrived here after googling something that had been worrying me," whimpered Largeoneplease, but LittleMyDancing believed internet anonymity freed us "to reveal the full extent of our neuroses without shame". "I think Mumsnet frees your inner nutcase," purred FabioFlangeCat, who is, let's not forget, a grown woman impersonating Cod's cat.
Slur initiated a top, geeky chat this week about the Large Hadron Collider, which is set to be switched on in the next few days. "Scientists aim to recreate the conditions of the big bang," announced Slur. "It is fascinating and only ever so slightly like a premise for a disaster movie." Littlelapin was quivering with excitement, "AND it's like, inside a mountain! Like a Bond villain's lair!" Anifrangapani impressed us all with her confession that "I have been to CERN to see the colliders and they are so cool." "Were you tempted to take a balloon and pop it just as button was pressed?" asked Slur. Meanwhile, Mumofmonsters could not keep up with the pace of scientific advancement, "CERN is real? There is a LHC? I thought Dan Brown had made it up."
I went to the house of some people who didn't have children yesterday, drooled Cappuccino, "it was like an oasis of calm. To clean it you would just need to wander around with a feather duster and run a vac round; you wouldn't have to move a load of shite and then pry up squashed raisins. I came home quite depressed." NatalieJaneIsPregnantAgain felt a touch of envy coming on: "I bet they get to have sex on Sunday mornings as well without a little face appearing round the door." And Elmoandella grumbled: "I had to wake DP up at 4am this morning just to have uninterrupted sex." "They get to eat cake in peace," sighed a wistful ElfOnTheTopShelf, which prompted Nappyzoneneedssleep to confess, "I ate a cake in the toilet this morning so no little people could spot me then start begging." Janni was not to be outdone: "I ate crisps under a duvet today so DD would not hear."
If you make a terribly awful painful comment in a social situation, should you apologise afterwards? wondered Morningpaper, and added: "I do this about twice a week, which may not surprise anyone." "I'm really quite compassionate inside my head," bleated Snowleopard, although admittedly she failed to reassure a post-partum mum friend who wailed "I look terrible" and received the reply "You don't look that terrible." Similarly, EisAHandbagaHolic's friend complained she looked "like a fat bitch" but, sadly, her self-esteem was probably not boosted by the response, "you're not a bitch." Slubberdegullion's faux pas after a recent trip to the fair had us all curling our toes in sympathy: "The ride was 2 seater bench with LARGEST PERSON SITS HERE written on one end of bench." Terrified that if she sat in the wrong seat they would go spinning to their deaths, she was forced to proceed to the light person's seat, leaving her mortified friend staring at the fat-bird chair. "I am still sitting bolt upright in bed in the middle of the night thinking 'CHRIST OH SHIT'," wept Slubber. Spinning to her death might have been preferable.*
* If your beloved mother has recently spun to her death, I'm very sorry
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