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Talk Roundup
10 October 2008

My Wardrobe

Girlandboy came home from work to find a WARNING message from her DH taped on her tumble drier stating 'HORNET IN DRIER, DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR.' Wastingmyeducation offered practical advice: "Empty using tongs or wooden spoons, while leaning back." TarkaLiotta took a different approach: "Stick the tumble drier back on high for ten minutes and roast the fecker." Themoon666 agreed: "Wasps crisp up lovely in a hot tumble drier I find." "What if it doesn't die? What if it just gets really cross?" fretted Mumofmonsters. "Have you a bee keeping outfit handy?" But Ladytophamhatt was withering about the talk of 'brooms and bio-haz suits': "You're a bunch of big jessies." Fortunately the OP returned to let us know that all was well after her DH came home and, armed with rubber gloves and bin bags, extracted the hornet from the washing on the patio before finally defeating it with a rolled-up newspaper, although "DS has just informed me that the two ends of the hornet are still moving!"

Weegle was looking for help this week after her son developed the new catchphrase of 'Please don't hit me!' "Where on earth is it coming from? How can I stop it?" GooseyLoosey sympathised: "DS once shouted very loudly in a crowded shop (aged about 3), 'Mummy, don't break my other arm.' Silence descended across the shop!" Pagwatch recalled the day she teased her DS with a witchy cackle and threatened to lock him in the shed, only to see his little face crumple as he begged: "But it's so dark and cold in the shed..." And Boco tried to persuade her DD that she needed to eat her dinner to have strong skin and fingernails, only to have her DD run to her Dad declaring: "Hooray, I ate my dinner and now Mummy won't snap off all my fingernails!"

SinCity was upset this week after her friend's son stole her Tony Blair teddy: "She phoned to say that her DS has taken it home, then she laughed it off. Would I be unreasonable to ask for it back?" Mabanana was confused: "Do you have the entire Blair cabinet in stuffed toy form? A little piggy Peter Mandelson with its own tiny mortgage form? A big Blunkett bear with white stick and random baby bears?" But SinCity did not think it a joking matter: "We do have Gordon Brown actually, and John Prescott." "A John Prescott bear?" exclaimed Mabanana, "Does it come with a mini tin of condensed milk?"

You may have noticed our new Sleb twaddle talkboards, for discussion of everything from Nigella Lawson's ample storecupboards to Jamie Oliver's tongue, although there was some confusion this week over an Angelina breastfeeding photo: "Oh my goodness," exclaimed Ja9. "When I read the title, I pictured Angelina Ballerina."

What is your funniest predictive text typo? asked Mumofmonsters, who texted her DP to tell him she was going to get the plates out, ready for their takeaway: "When he got home he was still laughing and he showed me the text, which said 'Will get slaves ready.'" "My favourite is 'roads' instead of sober," chortled LaMonsterWeaselwolf, "Have so many texts that say 'no, rly - I'm roads.'" Auntyspan's DH is called Rich but promisingly "it comes up as 'shag.'" "Why is 'mum' always 'nun'? Which are you likely to use most often?" asked a baffled Rachels103, a question answered by Sputnik, who admitted texting the word "Mumsnet" and discovering that it was rejected in favour of "Nunsnet." That doesn't sound quite as much fun, does it?

MORNINGPAPER XXX

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