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Talk Roundup
9 May 2008

Boden

Greedy dog tales this week after Chequers' dog managed to break into her cupboard and eat four days worth of vaccuum-packed dog food, "She was all puffed out like a barrel when I got home." Auntypurple recalled the time her aunt's boxer consumed an entire bunch of bananas, "she managed to peel them first." And Stripeymama had a M&S moment last week when her dog ate her butter, "the local, organic, artisan butter." BigGitHamsterKillingDad recalled a fond childhood memory of his family dog, who escaped from the house and came home with a leg of lamb, "Mum took it off him put it in the freezer and we had it for Sunday roast. The dog must have been gutted as he'd carried it for half a mile!" Cue shrieks of horror at the germs but as BigGitHamsterKillingDad reminded us "this was the early 70's."

I STILL can't sleep if the wardrobe doors are open - can you? , and it turns out that it's not just me, lots of us haven't grown out of those three-year-old night terrors; "the bedroom door must be open (so I can hear if the monsters use the front door to get in)," admitted Justjules, "and the downstairs light must be on so if they do get in, the dog can see them and they can see the dog." FloridaKbear can't stick her feet out of the bed either, "you never know what might grab you and suck you under the bed," and Hifi agrees, "I jump on the bed so the man under bed can't grab my feet." Specialmagiclady is relieved that she lives on the first floor, "so maniacs can't press their faces to downstairs windows. Which they always do. Always." OrmIrian think it's all nonsense however, "But DH has to be nearest to the door when he goes to bed to keep an eye out for cybermen." And Snowleopard has thought of a flaw in her strategy of hiding her feet under the duvet, "It's so stupid - what self-respecting big monster hand would be foiled by a duvet?"

Let's talk embarrassment, suggested Hecate, who wondered if anyone could trump hers after she remarked to a friend "Oh, I saw your bloke the other day, he was ever so chirpy, has he won the lottery or something?" Only to be told by her stony-faced friend that she had just dumped him. OiFoiF recalled an embarrassing incident when she accidentally stole 4 pairs of knickers after they had became entangled in her buggy, "I noticed I had stolen them when I got about 500m down the road. So I took them off the wheels, and tried to rush off. Stupidly though I hung them on a window cleaner's ladder (why?) and he came down and started shouting 'Are these yours love?'" TillyScoutsmum humiliated herself in Sainsbury's this week when the checkout girl rang the bell for an "age check" on her Cherry Beer, "I glowed with pride and told her in my best giggly girly voice that I hadn't been age checked for 15+ years (I'm 33 and look every inch of it), she then looked at me with a perfected 'What planet are you on?' expression and told me that the age check was for her because she was 17 and needed a supervisor."

The biggest controversy of the week was posed by Nametaken, who wondered Am I being unreasonable to have a poo whilst talking on the telephone? "Obviously I wouldn't do it to a prospective employer, but I often take the phone into the toilet with me when my mum, sis, or hubby rings. Surely I am only multi-tasking?" She was met with some gasps of horror, "I feel quite sick at the thought of this," spluttered ZZMumm "Surely it's a joke?" and Lulumama agreed, "That is vile - The germs!" while NotSoRampantRabbit reminded any potential splatters and chatters, "it is important not to grunt." "I take my laptop to the loo with me," admittedly VinegarTits, "I Mumsnet while I poo." Thank God there's no emoticon for that.

MORNINGPAPER XXX