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THE DAVID BECKHAM ACADEMY is running football courses for 8 to 15 year olds, designed to keep children fit and healthy whatever their abilities. The courses, which start at £80 for one day, cover everything from learning new football skills to the importance of good nutrition. For details, please visit www.thedavidbeckhamacademy.com

Talk Roundup
11 July 2008

Boden

Health and safety worries prevented Knickerelasticjones from buying a carseat this week, after Mothercare informed her that they couldn't sell her a car seat because it was raining, "It's for our own protection," the sales assistant reassured, "We aren't allowed to sell car seats when its raining, as we might fall over when we walk to the car to check it fits." This was followed by a grumpy silence from all three assistants "who were looking at me as if to say ‘How DARE you put our very lives at risk by suggesting that we might sell you a car seat. Can't you see the RAIN?'" Nancy75 wondered how they got home in the winter, "There is a massive Mothercare near me and I have never noticed loads of women all falling over in puddles outside." "Do they have lock-ins at home time?" pondered Zippitippitoes.

Mysteries of a sanitary nature this week for worried NoFlow, who wondered whether we could think of any explanation for the half-used packet of Tampax in her husband's bedside cupboard, "They're definitely not mine." CantSleepWontSleep suggested he might be "making those Tampax Christmas decorations that proved so popular" and several Mumsnetters maintained that sportsmen regularly employed said items to stem nosebleeds during rugby or boxing matches. "Soaked in meths they make good fire lighters," offered a practical Doodle2U, and also alleged "Marines carry them in their kit, to stick in the odd bullet hole. Is he expecting to be shot any time soon?" StressTeddy wondered if he was a professional photographer, because apparently wet, microwaved tampons produce just the right sort of steam behind photographs of tasty food, "This is not just a tampon," she gushed, "it's an M&S tampon." But it turned out they'd been left by a guest, "They must be the MIL's, even though I'm convinced she's post-menopausal," concluded NoFlow, "Unless they're FILs...but that's a whole different problem, and not mine."

Never mind trapped dinner problems for bearded men, Psychomum5 discovered a whole world of squirreling women this week when she asked is there anyone else out there whose cleavage seems to catch their food? "I went to the pics the other day, got home, took of my top and bra...out fell probably a pot-full worth of popcorn." Big jubblied Hecate sympathised, having just discovered half a bowl of muesli down there, and cheerfully informed us "this happens to my sister so much, she calls her bra her 'doggy bag'." Brightongirldownunder came from a family of the well-endowed, ("even the men!") and admitted that the day before she had discovered "broccoli wedged between my baps - which was astonishing, as I hadn't had any that day." But TenaciousG thought that a large pair of scoops had their positive side, "a buxom cleavage can come in handy when you are short of time on a morning: simply insert Pop Tart, hurry to bus stop, catch bus, sit down, remove Pop Tart and enjoy." Hoho! As if you'd catch a Mumsnetter with a Pop Tart.

MORNINGPAPER XXX

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