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Talk Roundup
25 January 2008

sweatyBetty

This week FrannyandZooey revealed how she completely embarrassed herself at her midwife appointment. The midwife, "asked me to just go and wee on the test strip. Then I found there was nowhere to put the test strip while I pulled my pants up and stuff. So I put it in my mouth. I took it back in to the midwife and as we both looked down at it we both saw very clearly that it had TEETH MARKS in the end of it." "Oh I did this!" reassured MrsJohnCusack, "The teeth marks weren't massively obvious but the smear of red lip gloss really was." "She's going to think you have some damn odd cravings," noted AlistairSim but Dottydot thought it might not be all bad, "she could be really impressed thinking that you held it by your teeth as you weed on it."

UnquietDad drew our attention to a news article about a young Goth couple who were thrown off a bus by the Bus Driver because they were shackled to each other with a dog lead, "What do we make of this? Do they take the chain off at night, I wonder? Or when one of them needs a shit?" Serenity felt that the quality of today's Goths was rather lacking and declared that if this were her daughter, "I'd say 'FGS put some slap on girl, call yourself a Goth? I've seen better Goths shopping in Boden.'" Callisto accused us all of being jealous, middle-aged bores and reminded us that "she probably has great sex all the time." Although Oliveoil primly begged to differ, "You can have great sex and not wear a dog lead." "Thank goodness for that," sighed a relieved Zippibabes, "I thought I might be too easily pleased."

Still on current affairs, Wickedwaterwitch wanted to know whether others were swooning over the BA pilot who bravely landed that plane and saved all those lives and then went for a curry. "He's a 43 year old father of 3 who is capable and manly and swoony as far as I'm concerned. Bet he's got one of those reassuring BA pilot voices too." Foxinsocks had a neighbour who was a pilot, "He was calm and reassuring and was manly and swoonworthy. Perhaps there's a panel of 10 women at the interview and that's how they are chosen." Policywonk thought that being calm was part of the job description, "there's absolutely no point in being a pilot if you're a bit of a flapper and prone to fits of helpless giggles." Hunkermunker was not impressed though with this girlie display, and took umbrage at a reporter describing the pilot as 'dishy', "Imagine if it was a female pilot and the reporter said, "She was calm in the incident, brought the plane down beautifully, reassured all the passengers and, my goodness, she has quite the rack on her as well, look!""

BroccoliSpears thought she should look "chic and stylish" wrapped in a pashmina, and wanted to know why she actually resembled a flood victim huddling in a blanket. "God, this always happens," moaned Bobbiewickham, "I think of it as the reality gap: what you imagine you look like and what you really look like. I find it strikes when I think I look all cute and cuddly in my leisurewear and bedsocks and glasses, a la Cameron Diaz in The Holiday. Then I catch sight of my reflection in the kitchen window and realise I look more like a short sighted, depressed sofa." I'll bear that in mind next time I leave the house in my dog lead.

MORNINGPAPER XXX

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