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A MILE IN MEMORY - Following the unprecedented success of last year's A Mile for Maude (largely thanks to the work of mumsnetters), this year The Foundation for the Study of Infant Deaths (FSID) is launching our "A Mile in Memory" campaign. We're asking people to take part in a one-mile sponsored walk on 17th May 2008 in memory of someone they loved and lost. So please either coordinate a walk in your area or take part in an existing walk and help raise money and awareness for vital cot death research. To find out more click here.

Talk Roundup
29 February 2008

First Book Guide

A shock for vet RedJools this week when once again her scary neighbours' scary dogs broke into her garden despite her newly-reinforced fence, "It's like living in Fort Knox. Today, I was so angry I was ready to take the thing on with my mop!" Recommendations included procuring a gun ("Maybe a taser to start with," suggested a kindly TheDullWitch), poisoning by Bournville ("Surely you can't get done for leaving a few bars of dark chocolate about the place?" pondered RedJools) and drugging them ("As a vet you can probably do this responsibly," suggested an optimistic Carmenere). "Could you hire a lion from somewhere?" mused Cestlavie, "Imagine the look on the owners' faces when the lion trots round to theirs with half a rottweiler hanging out its mouth."

Quite a few threads this week happily reminded us that growing old doesn't have to mean the end of life's pleasures; First Shaniece's "80 year old Granny has decided to do a History degree" which came as no surprise to Kathyis6incheshigh whose brother had several oldies studying in his history degree class, "the other students used to refer to them as the 'primary sources'." Then Hatrick's 87-year-old Grandad complained that he wasn't impressed with his new residential home because, "There isn't any talent here." Hatrick's mum gently pointed out that "the ladies here might not think an 87 year old with egg down his top is such a catch," but his ardour was not dampened, and Hatrick soon confirmed that he had "extended an invitation to a couple of the ladies to have coffee in his room." Ismellofbabysick was impressed and recalled a residential home visit to her octogenarian Aunt, who was angry that she'd been turfed onto the ward after being discovered dressed only in her corsets and with a married man in her bed, "Unfortunately she's not with us anymore otherwise I'd have given her your Grandad's number."

GetOrfMoiLand was not impressed to overhear her "excited and shiny eyed" colleagues chatting about their instant dinner plans; "Ooh, am so pleased, have treated myself to a Tesco Ready Meal tonight..." "Turns out it is Cauliflower Cheese!" she exclaimed, "In what world is this regarded as a treat?" BettySpaghetti thought it could be worse, "she could be relishing the prospect of one of those tins of macaroni cheese that smell of vomit." Choosyfloosy was not so choosy, being a devotee of the aforementioned canned macaroni, "and it's OK on Slimming World for some reason. I have eaten 3 tins in an evening before now."

Pedant's corner was all a frenzy this week when UnquietDad reported that he was reeling in horror because the teacher wrote "MUST OF" in his son's reading record book. "It's like finding a turd in his lunchbox," he despaired. "Can you write a comment back?" suggested Yorkshirepudding, 'Who is Mustof? Is this a new class member?'" TrinityRhino suggested he "correct it with a red marker and comment 'must try harder.'" "DS had a 'loveley' in his book recently," sympathised Soapbox, and Pofaced was similarly disappointed with her daughter's writing homework "she had to write out 'rasberry' 5 times."

Blog Quote of the week comes from well-travelled Desiderata's Blog, Travels Around the Times Atlas of the World, where she is guiding us through her experience of the locations in the Times Atlas, starting with Page 1, "Aadorf (village). 'It was in Aadorf that I tasted the worse damned thing I have ever eaten. A blutwurst, a sausage that thinks it's a blancmange made of blood. It wobbles. Take a tip. Never, ever eat one, not even in jest.'" Now that's something The Rough Guide won't tell you.

MORNINGPAPER XXX