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Talk Roundup
25 May 2007

We've just introduced Mumsnet Local: a guide to all the best stuff for parents and kids in the UK, broken down by geographic area. It is still very much in its infancy, so will you please, please take a look and fill it up with lots of great listings in your area and beyond or it will be rubbish? Thanks so much, MN Towers.

Polgara2 was sitting in the living room and heard a loud crash from upstairs followed by a cascade of feathers into the garden. "There is a bloody great pigeon prostrate in the garden. What the hell do I do with it now?" Helpful Mumsnetters variously suggested shooting it, boxing it up and taking it to a Vet, calling the RSPCA and checking that it wasn't a racing pigeon. "How do you know if it's a racing pigeon?" asked Polgara2, who was too scared to get near it because it was "quite big." Aardfark helpfully explained that you should easily identify it as a such if "it has a VERY small horse underneath it and is wearing a brightly coloured jersey."

How much mess would you leave in a restaurant? asked a horrified Mummydoit, who lunched at PizzaExpress at the same time as two women with toddlers who left a disarray of pizza debris and broken crockery. Cries of horror followed, not least from Whomovedmychocolate who admitted to higher standards than your average Lady Who Lunches, "I clean before DD eats." Only for an indignant PleaseGetYourFactsStraight to arrive and announce, "I think you'll find that I was one of the mothers you are talking about. For your information, the waiting staff told us not to worry about the mess at all, or else we would have helped to clear it up." WelshBoris breathed a sigh of relief, "I'm so glad I live in Swansea where only Cerys and I are on Mumsnet."

Am I being unreasonable if I find people like me slightly annoying? asked lentil-weaver Bohemianbint, who attended a 'sling meet' to hook up with hopefully like-minded new friends, but found the experience rather disappointing. "Why, when I am classed as a bit of a tofu welder did I not really enjoy being in a room full of other welders?" "Like and like repels. That's the science bit" observed our resident brainbox, Pointydog. Kathyis6incheshigh wondered about the whole concept of a sling meet, "I use slings but don't see that as marking me out from other people.... maybe I should arrange a Mothercare Jive stroller meet as I have one of those as well?"

What terrible possessions did your DH bring into your marriage? asked Cod, who reluctantly shares her home with a nest of black ash tables and "terrible native Canadian art." Littlelapin's DH brought "A wardrobe full of uniforms that a) don't fit and b) are the wrong rank," which actually sounded rather promising to me, whereas Stressteddy's hubby brought a disappointing, "70's telephone exchange system including about 40 telephones to install in his house so that he could take calls anywhere." Worse still was Boco's DH, "He once said early in our relationship - 'Remember you wanted to know what x-girlfriend looked like? - Here!' and handed me an album full of pictures he'd taken of her naked." As for Milge, her other half's contribution to the marital home was the bed his grandfather had died in. Thankfully she confided, "I did insist on a new mattress."

If you've found Mumsnet a tad visually lacklustre and hanker for the merry countdown tickers sported by other chat forums, why not indulge yourself on the Tickertastic thread where you can add your very own personalised signature? Beansprout's ticker revealed that "I have not given a blow job for 7 years. It has been 85 minutes since I last fantasised about another man." And concluded with a [picture of Tinkerbell]. WigWamBam shared her domestic disquiet, "It has been THIRTY SIX MINUTES since I last snarled at dh." and Snaf's informed us, "2 sachets of Senokot remaining in pack." DontCallMeBaby's ticker exposed the familiar sight of an academic career disappearing in a flurry of chatroom activity, "It's been *four minutes* since I last decided Tickettastic.com was more interesting than revision. It is *twelve days* until I fail my exams because of the interweb." I know just how you feel, hun. [[[hugs]]]

MORNINGPAPER XXX

Help find Madeleine. The McCann family are concerned that she may no longer be in Portugal and so are asking Mumsnetters to send this poster to everyone they can think of across Europe.