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Talk Roundup
23 March 2007

Luxury Family Hotels are offering Mumsnetters an amazing last minute deal for the next two weeks on the Ickworth Hotel's Dower House's apartments, located just a short distance from the main hotel....1 Bedroom Apartment from £99 per night, 2 Bedroom Apartment from £139 per night. These rates are per apartment, per night and are room only. Valid Sunday to Thursday until 29th March 2007. Please call 01284 735350 for more details and quote Mumsnet.com. The standard Mumsnet discount does not apply.

As the mother of an orally-obsessed baby I entirely sympathised with SenoraPostrophe's anguish on the Sleep talkboard, "If I sellotape the dummy to ds2's face do you think someone will call social services?" Pooka left her son in his cot "with dummies strewn like rose-petals about his head in the hope that he's bound to come across one when he wakes. Alas, he used to wake up with dummies embedded in his cheeks instead." Wallace has wondered whether it would be so terrible to suspend a dummy from the ceiling at just the right height for baby to suck. If only Pelvicflawed had got her Magnadummy into production, "Put a small magnet in the dummy, put a magnetic bracelet on the child and hey presto when the blasted thing isn't in his mouth it's stuck to his wrist ready and waiting." Come on all you Dragons - make it happen!

This week's Mumsnet game was to name some words that sound filthy but are deeply respectable, and Pruni got things off to a flying start with "Quincunx, Flange and Moist." This was followed by hundreds of equally treacherous words suggesting that Mumsnetters across the country are recoiling in horror at conversations involving mastication, crevices, divots, vestibules, meatus or degloving. Fortunately, I don't recall discussing any of those things at Playgroup this week.

Kbear wanted to know about our Friday night embarrassing moments. Bubble99 was surprisingly willing to oblige, "Mine involves friends visiting for the evening and a toddler (mine) walking into the room with a pair of my (very dirty) pants on his head. Gusset outwards." Cece was sitting on the sofa with a large number of relatives watching You've Been Framed, "Fat lady with big belly started wobbling it about and grabbing it to wobble it more. Had her skirt over her head. Ds points at screen and says 'Mummy.'" MamaG got hideously drunk while staying in a hotel at her work's Christmas do, phoned reception and whispered "I actually think I am going to die." As anyone would in that situation, she stripped semi-naked and lay on the bathroom floor. Enter a member of the hotel staff, her DH and three colleagues. We've all been there MamaG.

What's your cover story to hide pregnancy from friends or colleagues asked Jbck, who needed to explain her temperance without giving the game away to friends. Ejb1976 ruefully commended her forward planning: "I hadn't prepared an answer so the first thing to come into my head and spill out of my mouth was, "Er. I don't really want to talk about it. Er .. my drinking has been getting very out of control of late.. I've been drinking excessively every night." Wahhh! I practically confessed to being an alcoholic." There followed so much sympathy and support that, full of guilt, she had no choice but to confess the truth.

Collineige began when Colleen met and married local mountain guide Jean-Marie Olianti. Four children later and with 26 years' experience in Chamonix, Colleen understands the needs of families. We have a fabulous offer 1-8 April when Chalet St Hubert has become unexpectedly available. Book a catered week in this stunning renovated farmhouse for £490 per person (basis 8-10 people). www.collineige.com

And finally this week... Katymac offered us a sensible reminder to always check the context of those awkward little questions that our little ones occasionally proffer... "When the conversation starts 'Mum am I a Lesbian?', check that your 9 year old knows what she is talking about. We had a totally unnecessary conversation about life style choices when she was trying to find out her starsign (and she's a Scorpio anyway)."

MORNINGPAPER XXX

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