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Talk Roundup
9 March 2007

Many of us took a break from Mumsnetting on Monday night to cuddle up on the sofa to watch some telly. But we rapidly returned to Mumsnet to discuss our evening's viewing. On the Style talkboard Caligula felt strongly about one well-known psychologist's choice of garb, I don't care what you say about Oliver James, his pink sweater is ill-advised. But Piffle disagreed, arguing you have to be "very close to your masculinity and secure in your manliness to wear pink." Absolutely. Isn't Miriam Stoppard ATTRACTIVE? - well that was ME that wrote that, but others agreed. Paulaplumpbottom exclaimed, "I love her hair colour. We should see if we can get her on here, not for baby tips but for hair tips."

I rather think our parenting skills may not be appearing in any of Miriam's mothering manuals any time soon... What's the worst thing you have shouted at an uncomprehending baby? asked Icod. There were many things I cannot possibly repeat for fear of offending polite ladies, such as this one from PND-laden Ladylissielou who, when her dad forgot to pick her up, informed her son, "I FUCKING HATE YOUR SHITTY WANKY GRANDAD!" Martianbishop admits to shouting "STOP SHOUTING!" to her children in the night, a method of sleep training favoured by many Mumsnetters it seems. Sobernow for her part has occasionally yelled "NO! I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!" at her DD "after the fifth time she's tried to tell me how her hair hurts or whatever. But once I was in the middle of shouting at her and she threw up in my lap and said 'I only wanted to tell you I was going to be sick, Mummy.' Felt bad about that." Well yes, I can imagine.

On a similar theme, What is the worst thing yours has got up to when unsupervised? asked MiaWallace, whose DD spread a tin of emulsion over her stair carpet. MrsWednesday's lovely child "Hammered a wooden toy into a wall, creating a pock-marked effect last in vogue in the seventies (I did wonder what the banging noise was)." Whilst Blu's two year old busied himself in kitchen, "Broke about 9 eggs, at least one went into the bowl. Cheese grater was circulating in the microwave, sending out sparks.... 'Making an omelette, Mummy!'" But perhaps the most unfortunate incident was Melpomene's arachnophobic DD, who "Drew a spider on our laminate sitting room floor, then became hysterical because she was afraid of it."

Welliemum, who clearly knows her literature, wondered what we would post about If mumsnetters were all Enid Blyton characters. AitchTwoOh imagined expecting twins, "I want to call them Dick and Fanny but DH says no." Martianbishop suggested "In The News: Group of children foils espionage ring again." Wickedwaterwitch was "Sick of making home made lemonade and providing sodding ginger biscuits" and Slowreader complained, "My children have come home with gold ingots in their rucksacks AGAIN."

Spring is in the air, so fittingly KatzG suggested we all burst into song for Mumsnet the Musical. Squonk kicked things off with a tribute from Grease, "I got posts, They're multiplying, And I'm losing control, Coz the advice you're supplying, It's electrifying." Blu directed Xenia to enter the stage in Black leather, singing, "Little boy, you're a glitch, In Mummy's plan to get rich!" TortoiseSHELL suggested Abba give us an introduction to the age old Mumsnet hotspots, "Mamma Mia, Here we go again, My my, Breast or bottle feeding." And Whizzz proposed utilising a tune from My Fair Lady; "My nipples are sore, Boobs round my knees, Wee when I sneeze, Mumsnet!" I'm sure it's just a matter of time before we hit The West End.

MORNINGPAPER XXX

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