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Talk Roundup
8 June 2007

Fancy being a Mumsnet Local Tsar? (or should that be Tsarina?) Are you the source of all local knowledge and gossip? We are looking to recruit committed Mumsnetters to take charge of each Mumsnet local site. The role would involve galvanising other local Mumsnetters to make your section as up to date, full of listings and useful as possible, editing new postings for accuracy and checking out new places for possible inclusion. It's a voluntary post but you can make as much (or as little) of it as you like, stick it on your CV if that would help and/or share it with another Mumsnetter if you're worried about time commitments. If it sounds like something you'd be interested in, sign up here and we'll send you some more info.

This week Weebleswobble was feeling broody and needed reminding why she REALLY doesn't want ANOTHER BABY. Nannyogg empathised, "I saw a lovely tiny quiet baby in the supermarket and got broody for about half an hour, before I came home to the joys of my tired, grumpy, loud, demanding toddler." Scorpio1 more helpfully volunteered, "puke, feeding, no life, no money, saggy boobs/tummy, stretchmarks, no sex life." "Don't forget constipation because you're too scared to poo after having the 'devil in disguise' in case all your stitches give way and all your insides fall into the toilet" added Weebleswobble, regaining her memory in the nick of time.

God, why are some mums so bloody dull? moaned Allgonebellyup. "Blaardy bores. Does my head in!! Don't they have any interests?" "Well, you tend to talk to people at the school gates about the reason you are there I suppose, which is children," offered a diplomatic UCM, "I would not walk into my local toddler group and tell them that I like anal sex on Sunday mornings, with kippers afterwards." Not so at NormaStiltonFletcher's toddler group, though, "I met a lovely mum at local mums and tots. Her second sentence to me was 'I am quite worried as I have this op coming up, I am having vaginal reconstructive surgery'. I knew at that point that we would get along fine." Allgonebellyup was not to be placated though, "I would rather be discussing my girlie holiday in Ibiza, and the tunes I listen to." "Maybe they've all got ipods crammed to the gills with banging sounds and they're so off their tits on smack that they can't talk about politics 'til teatime" suggested Sobernow.

Petitfilou has discovered that you are finally a real mother when… "You are eating a fruit Gu pudding and think 'that pot will make a good thruster for a rocket.'" A sleep-deprived Kinki thinks it's "When you try to rock a sack of potatoes to sleep at the checkout" and MamaD "when ordering your first drink of an evening and realising that you have a sachet of Calpol, a spare dummy, plastic spoon and dirty bib in your handbag." Whilst the rather appropriately-monikered Hassled plumped for "When you've scooped a child's turd out of the bath with your bare hands".

Has anyone seen my wife? asked Hassledhubby (possibly wondering if she'd washed her hands), "I was hoping to find my wife to come and finish the bedroom routine. I don't want to shout and wake up DS2 and am too tired to climb up stairs to loft. I last heard her muttering something about 'taking the ironing upstairs' which usually is code for escaping on to Mumsnet. Don't know her 'Mumsnet name' but if anyone of you is my wife, could you pop down and tuck DS1 up if it's not too much trouble." A process of elimination disqualified various relieved MNers, "'I don't want to shout' ....nah, can't be my husband. I'm safe" sighed Tigermoth and NotQuiteCockney was also certain it wasn't her DH, who would "PHSL if I claimed I was off to do ironing!" Finally Hassledhubby tracked down his AWOL missus, but took precautions to avoid similar future crises, "We have now installed Instant Messenger and also Skype so we now have two new ways of avoiding talking to each other in person." Squonk swooned slightly, "I wish DP would have the nous to post a thread like this, instead of sucking his teeth and doing that 'oh God Mumsnet' thing he does." That's all for this week. I must run - I have to take the ironing upstairs…

MORNINGPAPER XXX