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Talk Roundup
20 July 2007

In The Night Garden Competition We know how much you love In the Night Garden so Mumsnet are giving away exclusive last minute tickets to the much anticipated launch of the range of In the Night Garden toys at Hamleys of London next Thursday July 26th 2007. Click here for details.

Jon Ronson's speaking voice is NOT what I imagined at all, wrote a shocked Twiglett back in January, "he sounds so drippy." Last week, his missus, posting as Heston, exhumed the thread to defend her spouse, "I am Jon Ronson's wife. I have a suggestion for you all: just don't read his columns/features/books; don't listen to his radio programmes or watch his documentaries." Ahundredtimes was bemused, "How odd to think that you can write a weekly column detailing your life and innermost thoughts and fears, and then get all upset that someone has an opinion on you." Quiddaitch (who received a mail from the teary Mr Ronson himself) explained, "Being paranoid is all part of the Ronson thang. It's What He Does." ProjectSeverus wondered whether Jon Ronson would send his dad around next, but Heston bounced back, "You're right, it is weird to get upset about people making nasty, puerile comments about one's husband. I was just surprised that such poison would emanate from a website for mums. Although seeing how much time you all spend on this I can't believe you are mums. Are you all in institutions?" News of the row reached the good burghers at the Guardian Talkboards, who complained "Those posters on Mumsnet are barely literate." It was left to WendyWeber, no doubt rocking in her chair at the time, to sum up: "JON RONSON IS THE MARMITE OF THE GUARDIAN."

If your name is Linda you are an admin person at a hospital, decided Coddy, and if your name is Mike you are something techy. Helens work in banks and Roy is an electrician; Emily makes her own pastry and Tim follows his wife Helen around Marks&Sparks like a faithful Labrador. And apparently I'm strawberry blonde and work in publishing… Check out this thread before you finally decide on a name for your bump that will condemn little Benjamin to a career in a recruitment office wearing polyester suits from Next.

HELP, I am in so much trouble pleaded Garotted, who was trying to remove pre-party haircut trimmings from her neck with the hoover, "but it grabbed hold of the skin on my neck so tightly I couldn't break the suction, I nearly choked to death trying to get it off, and now I look like someone has tried to strangle me - big red marks and bruising! How can I take the children to the party now? I look horrible." Sympathetic Mumsnetters suggested scarves or blaming a particularly excitable DH, and Sazzybee offered consolation in her own idiocy, "I once sniffed a bottle of caustic soda and then couldn't breathe for a worrying amount of time. Thought I'd die on my knees on the kitchen floor." Mistypeaks confessed that she once wiped onion-chopping tears from her face "without putting down onion chopping knife first. Luckily I wear glasses so I only hacked my face rather than my eyes. I then sprayed some antiseptic/plaster spray on the wounds, and thought crikey that smarts – I had actually used my glasses cleaner!" On further investigation she discovered that she had been cleaning her glasses with "Savlon plaster spray." Something else for the nurses to lock away in the medicine cupboard.

MORNINGPAPER XXX

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