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Talk Roundup
26 January 2007

OMG I just found a mouse in my oven!!!! shrieked RustyBear, "I turned the oven on to preheat, and opened the door to check the flame didn't go out ... There was the little grey mouse sitting on the middle shelf!" SoupDragon revealed that friends of hers "had one pop up in their toaster with their morning toast once. Toasted." And it's not just rodents on the loose. Suzywong admitted: There is a giant cockroach loose in my kids' bedroom. "I was lying in bed ... I thought I heard and saw an empty crisp packet rustle and float to the foot of the bed... Then I saw a fricking beast the size of a bourbon biscuit with antennae 4 inches long sitting next to me... it flew in to the kids' room under the bunk bed. We can hardly spray Mortein over our sleeping angels and the bloody thing won't come out to be beaten with a rolled up newspaper." Fortunately for most of us, Suzywong is in the kingdom of Farfaraway (Australia).

Say something poncy about yourself encouraged icod, who got the ball rolling with her confession that she doesn't drink instant coffee. A flurry of confessions followed, including a refusal to use packet sauce, always baking one's own cakes and biscuits, declining to drink squash and insisting on ironed Egyptian cotton sheets. Decafskinnylatte declared that her children regularly eat quails' eggs for afternoon tea. Weepootleflump always spends £14 on balsamic vinegar, "I'm pretty sure I couldn't taste the difference either - I just like the feeling I get from putting it in my trolley." "I get my hair cut in London," said Enid, "(I live in Dorset.)" But surely ponce of the week must be Bakedpotato, who proudly declared: "Our builder is called Rupert."

If you feel like reclaiming the F-word then take off your shoes and step onto the red rug of the Mumsnet Wimmin's collective. "We are very inclusive. Anyone with a Fanjo," welcomed Martianbishop who amongst others declared support for the Fawcett Society's campaign to encourage women to don a tee-shirt proclaiming "This is what a feminist looks like" on National Women's Day. Edam was tempted by the t-shirt but "I never, ever, wear round necked tops. Makes my 36Fs look too matronly." Motherinferior agreed, "So shaming - I looked at that T-shirt and thought 'but you can't get it in a V neck..."

In Cod's key pointers to spotting marital discord, she claimed "the wish to emigrate" as a sure sign of trouble. Lostinfrance plumped for "resentment over who does more childcare" which didn't go down well with Motherinferior: "Oh god, we're doomed - and there was me, thinking this was just an aspect of having kids." Alipiggie reckoned that "Minimising screens on laptop as other half enters the room" was definite cause for concern. If she's right then it won't be long before I'm trudging along to Relate ... but I'm only trying to conceal my Mumsnet habit, honest!

MORNINGPAPER XX

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