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Talk Roundup
18 January 2007

We were all riled up with the horrors of powdered instant dessert this week, when Belgianbun shouted Angel delight!! Oh bl**dy hell! having discovered that her dd had been given angel delight for pudding at her expensive nursery. Smeeinnit didn't understand what all the fuss was about, "Come on people it's Angel Delight?!! Do kids not deserve a treat now and again?" "In what parallel universe is carcinogenic fat a 'treat'?" stormed Aloha. "I used to like Angel Delight as a child but I used to like Spandau Ballet as well," confessed Oliveoil.

The oxymoronic Funniest bit of childbirth began with Rachelhill's revelation of lactatory revenge, "During every contraction my boobs squirted milk at quite high velocity and I got the irritating consultant's glasses while he was telling me I wasn't in proper labour." Annieapple7 became convinced that the baby was exiting via the wrong chute, "I stage-whispered to the midwife, "The baby is coming out of my bum. Honestly. It really is. I can feel it." And she said, "Well we've never had that before!" Luckily midwife was right." Debrett's would have much to say about the manners of many of us ladies in labour. Pity Plibble's poor anaesthetist, who couldn't tell her what sex the baby was, and received the sharp retort, "Did you miss that day of medical school?" She had only delivered the head at the time.

This week's Health & Safety Awareness award goes to quadrophenia, who had a nasty School gate incident, after donning a minidress and kitten heels to do the school run. "On the way out of school I only got my bleeding foot stuck in a grate just before the gate which meant that nobody could get in or out. It took two mums to free my foot and must have taken at least two minutes. There were crowds of people (we only have one gate because of building works) and I had to stand there on bloody show explaining what a feckin idiot I am."

I think you're a bad parent challenged Twiglett, and without hesitation many of you rose to show your credentials. When DimpledThighs' son was three, he said "Oh bollocks" when he dropped something. ""Do you know what that means?" I asked, "yes mummy," he said, "it's what you have to say when you drop something." Fortyplus's friends five-year-old triplets have been heard to exclaim 'JesusFuckingChrist!!!', "So maybe my friend isn't as cool, calm and collected as she makes out?" Calmontheoutside nearly got away with shouting "Fuck!Fuck!Fuck!" when her computer crashed, by telling her 20-month old dd that she was just saying what ducks say, "Quack, quack, quack!" Later at the park, however, when Grannie said "Ah look at the all the ducks," her dd replied "Fuck!Fuck!Fuck!"

Dd2 is so petrified of the Problem Blob in the Numberjacks that she has just wet her pants, Enid told us, although by the time of posting she was safely tucked up under a blanket watching Dora. Martianbishop reminisced for yesteryear, "I doubt that Andy Pandy scared anyone" but Califrau proved her wrong: "I used to SOB uncontrollably with AndyPandy. If my brother wanted to make me cry he would sing "time to stop play, just for today" and I would wail...every time." Roseylea's ds is petrified of the Story Makers, but "the other day he freaked out watching 'Something Special' and is now scared of Mr Tumble (eh?!??!) He has decreed "No more telly now Mummy"!" Yikes Roseylea how on earth will you find time to Mumsnet?

MORNINGPAPER XX

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