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Mumsnet Talk Roundup
11 January 2007

Throughout the week in many of our posts we have remembered
Maude Eleanore Rose
106 weeks lived to the full.

I am obviously getting on because I couldn't help clicking on the thread I saw an ad today for a local Knitting Circle. Zippitippitoes is a fan of the needles and aspires to touch-knitting, "My grandma was a brilliant, clacky, not-looking knitter and I just know I could never do that." Pruni provided proof that knitting is obviously more exciting than it was when I was a girl with her recommendation of "The Stitch'n'Bitch Handbook" for beginners and Jimjams2, another secret clacker, suggests another reason to take it up (as if more incentives were required): "I find I drink less when I'm knitting"

What little things does your man do that really irritate you? asked Tex111, who started her post with the words "My list includes". Snig's husband raced into an almost unassailable position in the irritating stakes: "He does really loud and revolting farts that smell like a farm yard and then whistles Kylie and Jasons' 'Especially for you' at me" she confided. Another strong contender though is Stumpydoglooksforwardtospring's dh who it appears likes to "moonwalk around the supermarket." Almost no Mumsnetter's husband seems to possess the strength to lift the lid on the laundry basket or close the cupboard doors they have just opened. And Bozza's hubby always needs the toilet just as she has served the delicious dinner that she has slaved to prepare; "I might start doing what I do with 2yo DD … say "Right DH it is time for you to go for a wee. Yes I know you don't need one, but just try"."

"Would you tell your DIL this?!" asked a horrified northerner, in the terrifying thread My MIL told me she has a dry vag. VeniVidiVickiQV's mother is also guilty of over-sharing, "She mentions things that have gone wrong with her "pussy" in the past; "That's the word you young people use, isn't it?" Meanwhile poor Blu recalled having "to sit within clear earshot of my MIL trying to shove a suppository up FIL's backside while he protested." And JustJAM still hasn't recovered from the time, many years ago, when her "mum won first prize at an Ann Summers party by gaining points for" if you've done this " scenarios." Pointydog offers wise counsel, "Don't go to Ann Summers with your mam. That would be pretty high up my rule list."

I burnt my face being very, very stupid! confessed hunkermunker, "I was talking on the phone to my mum, trying to take the lid off the pan of boiling water … The phone slipped from under my ear, I reached up to steady it and whacked myself in the face with the scalding hot pan lid." Edam admitted to another telephonic injury, "I once set fire to my fringe while talking on the phone and smoking. Put it out by throwing the cup of tea I was drinking over myself." Califrau once hot-glued a walnut to the palm of her hand in a fit of over-enthusiastic craft making. But it was Loobylooby, perhaps, who suffered the ultimate indignity, "I once went to a wedding and whilst chatting to a nice eligible young man, I decided to light up…reached into my handbag, got out the ciggie, put the lighter to it - all whilst continuing my conversation - damned thing wouldn't light - not surprising really since it was a tampon!" Some day, I imagine, she will make a daughter-in-law extremely proud.

MORNINGPAPER XXX

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