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Talk Roundup
15 February 2007

This week we were all swept away with the romance of St. Valentine's Day and the talkboards were full of love and marriage. Kittylette sought advice with regard to her forthcoming nuptials. Not content with making her own original wedding favours, she announced "I'm thinking of doing a burlesque style 'strip' at my wedding reception." There followed a chorus of disapproval but Kittylette thought it was a great idea, "It's not like I'm a saggy 40 year old and it will gross them out!" This was perhaps not the best thing to post on a board heavily populated by saggy 40 year-olds. Yorkshirelass79 agreed with the majority, "I have no desire to waggle nipple tassles in circles in front of my entire family." Martianbishop pondered on the resulting wedding photos, "This is Aunty May, and Uncle Bert... Those are the cousins that I don't like... This is me in my shreddies..."

Launching "A Mile for Maude" - please join in a sponsored walk in Maude's memory In memory of ggglimpopo's daughter Maude who died in January, Littlelapin is coordinating a sponsored mile walk by parents and children all over the country on 12 May, in aid of the Foundation for the Study of Infant Death. For more information, see www.amileformaude.com or have a read through the posts on the Charitable Events talkboard.

What's the Worst Thing That You've Seen at a Wedding? Could anyone top Kittylette's Big Day plans? Expatinscotland attended a wedding service where the bride and groom crooned 'Endless Love' to each other, "My dad was laughing so hard he had to leave the church." Saintmaybe is still reeling from witnessing "The groom's auntie INTERRUPT THE 'FIRST DANCE' DRESSED AS A PLAYBOY BUNNY TO SLOW DANCE WITH HIM!" Whilst Uglybettyrules recollection of "The bride in a strapless number with a huge patch over her shoulder covering up her tattoos" brought widespread condemnation of strapless wedding dresses and, in the words of icod: "fat salami mottled arms".

With strapless dresses obviously a no-no, Cappucino helpfully drew our attention to Eve Magazine's suggestions about what new mums should be wearing. "The fun starts with... 'an oh-so-soft tracksuit in velour or cashmere.' And there is a picture of a woman in a white top costing £95 for her baby to puke down." Cupcakes derided the suggestion of a useful sundress, "Any type of dress whilst breastfeeding is going to make life pretty complicated. Unless you like exposing your knickers when feeding." By way of alternative ScottishMummy suggested her very own New Mums style: "greasy hair, sore nipples, psychotic haze induced by lack of REM sleep, a sanitary pad the size of a duvet jammed in my waist high knickers."

Fortunately for us new mums, there is the first flush of love to take your mind off your drooping and dripping body. If you've ever suffered from Apgar Score Envy ("My second child got a ten" boasted Anchovy) then you will probably cringe at some of the confessions in "Things you said and thought about your Precious First Born which make you blush looking back on it." Anchovy felt embarrassed for her friend who had a "far less lovely" baby of the same age. A few months later and those rose-tinted new-mummy glasses were gone; "Looking back at the pictures of DS he looked like nothing quite so much as a large potato!" Wickedwaterwitch for her part undoubtedly won top marks from her Health Visitor; so perfect a new mum was she, she even "had a stairgate" for ONE small stair in the hallway.

MORNINGPAPER XX

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