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Talk Roundup
2 February 2007

What are you going to do when your children grow up? asked anorak, whose sister says she is going to go round to her kids' houses, "do a wee on the sofa and a poo behind it then... stand at the top of the stairs and be sick. Because that's what they've done to her." NotAnOtter fully intends to "SCREAM when I see what they have cooked me," whereas lostinfrance plans to block all their sinks with soggy loo paper, "and when they ask me who did it I'll say DH." Of course it's all part of the circle of life, as Bran cheerfully reminded anorak's sister: "If she waits until she's old enough she'll probably be weeing everywhere anyway."

Stressful Medical Experience of the week was Incognitoforthis' Smear Test with a shaven fanjo. If, like Troutpout, you dither about trying to decide "whether to keep your socks on or not" then this thread will introduce you to a whole new world of worrisome fanjo-related grooming etiquette.

What Not To Buy... Much useless baby-related gadgetry was brought to our attention this week in the thread is this not the most stupid invention ever invented? Nappyaddict will not be buying a sling for her infant car seat, "Don't we have ARMS?" asked gingermonkey. Aloha raged at carrying straps on pushchairs, "like it is so much more convenient to fold it up and carry the bloody heavy thing on your poor shoulder than it is to put your handbag in it and push it." And Asur will most certainly not be investing in a Watertot, a waterproof sling that appears to helpfully submerge your baby's breathing apparatus just under the water in the swimming pool.

If you've ever struggled with links on Mumsnet, rest assured you've nothing on Charmkin who made a right pig's ear of her thread What do you think of this? Despite painstaking instruction from concerned MNers, who gently attempted to persuade her that she really DID have a backslash on her keyboard Charmkin failed to make a successful link to her lovely M&S dress. She howled with frustration, "Links YOU ARE MY NEMESIS."

Other technical difficulties were obviously blighting our lovely Tech this week as Mumsnet disappeared off the airwaves on Tuesday lunchtime. After much blowing into paper bags, some Mumsnetters in desperation deserted to the Bad Mothers Club. By the time normal service was resumed at Mumsnet Towers, Twiglett had bagged a quite remarkable Bad Mother's birth story involving stirrups, a slip and a Doctor being pinned to the wall by a battered rear-end. Chances are that will not be appearing in my local NCT branch rag but I do hope that the Bad Mother in question wins the BMC prize for the thread of the week - a Glass Dildo. And with a bit of luck, our beloved Tech will be able to keep Mumsnet up and running this week because to be honest I'm not sure Mumsnetters are quite ready for that level of excitement on a regular basis.

OMG How On Earth did That Happen?? Asked ItsMeMellowma, who unpacked her ds's school bag only to find one of his dirty socks with a note from the teacher attached, helpfully informing her that it fell out of his trousers and was probably from the previous day. Fimbo admitted that her Dh once put raw sausages in her daughter's lunch bag. I very much doubt that would pass the Mumsnet Food Police's rigorous lunchbox suitability criteria.

MORNINGPAPER XX

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