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6 December 2006
Talk Round-Up

December is well and truly upon us and this week the MN talkboards have been suitably sprinkled with festive Christmas names as well as the usual gift dilemmas. From yULeYSEES: Fellow Mner needs awful present for awful ILS, any ideas? "A talking Vicky Pollard doll?" volunteered Melpomene helpfully. SantaGotStuckUpTheGreensleeve plumped for a wormery or ant farm while Fortyplus' preferred choice was: "that game where you all put a finger in and the one with the slowest reactions gets an electric shock." Taylormama made the unfortunate juxtaposition of "in laws" with "sensual massage oil". As themulledSNOWMANneredjanitor pointed out, "This is hardly the way to remember the baby Jesus's birthday is it?"

If your finances have got the December blues, why not join the latest Ebay challenge: GET YOUR MANKY SHOES OUT AND MAKE SOME CASH whereby housewives across Britain are taking advantage of filthy foot fetishists and selling off their cracked and dirty footwear? LadyOfThePoinsettias got the ball rolling by listing her own old shoes: "I've been asked for more pictures and whether they smell or not!" she shrieked excitedly. There was a bit of a panic when she realised that she had mistakenly allowed Collection In Person but I'm sure she will have no trouble explaining things to her husband.

Does your Dh's family have weird Christmas traditions? Shoppingbagsundereyes asked, having been informed that she has to buy presents for the Tree to give people on Christmas Eve. WanderingTroll said that her DH's family always has a big fight: "This year they all get Bach Rescue Remedies and, if things get physical, arnica." Hatwoman spotted polarised approaches to present unwrapping, "I see there are two camps - frenzied excitement vs civilised taking it in turns." Meanwhile Meowmix painted a picture of her Christmas Hell, "Does talking shite endlessly count? "Oooh Mags look at that turkey..." "Ooh, yes, Jean isn't it big?" "Oooh Mags look at that Christmas puddingı" "Ooh yes Jean isn't it big?" And they wonder why I drink."

Satisfying our natural womanly distrust of all things pertaining to cars or maps, Confirmation that sat nav is useless was provided by Zippitippitoes, who drew our attention to the BBC news story that a London Ambulance crew, relying a little too heavily on their Satellite Navigation System, drove 200 miles to Manchester while transferring a patient from one London hospital to another. Wickedwinterwitch was nonplussed; "Wouldn't you have got suspicious before the outskirts of Manchester?" Zippitippitoes agreed; "I think I might decide it was wrong as I opened the farmer's gate."

Someone else who probably shouldn't be behind the wheel is Custardo, who doesn't see the point of mini-roundabouts in The one thing that I just can't see the effing point of is... "Shoes for babies - why?" asked a bewildered SNOWMANdymoo, "Also, back pockets in baby jeans - what are they gonna put in them, their loose change?" "What is the point of pubic hair?" demanded Kelly1978GotRunOverByAReindeer. Frumpygrumpy reckoned it was a way of testing the eyesight. "Y'know....can you see the bit right there that needs trimming.....no? Well you need glasses or yoga." Spoon rests were also mooted as a waste of space but MusicLover begged to differ: "My pet hate is people putting their used spoon on my work surface." Obviously her dinner parties are far, far crazier than mine.

MORNINGPAPER XXX