11 reasons why I'm pregnant and crying

It's not you, it's me... 


1. "I cried because the supermarket was out of fish pie. I cried again when I had to tell my husband about it. I cried again two weeks later when he happened to mention it in passing."



2. "I cried because there was only lemonade in the local shop. I wanted cloudy lemonade."


beyonce crying

3. "I rang my other half at work sobbing like the world was ending because I couldn't find my slippers, and as a result I was convinced the house we'd moved into was haunted."



4. "I sat howling in Tesco's car park for a solid hour because my Frazzles weren't bacon-y enough." 


man having a haircut

5. "I cried because I thought my husband had died on the M62, when actually he'd stopped off to get a haircut."


changing room

6. "I cried for a solid hour because the maternity jeans I tried on at Mothercare were on the wrong hanger and therefore two sizes too small. The lady who was helping me made me a cup of tea and specially ordered my size."



7. "I spent two solid hours crying inconsolably over an episode of Futurama. 12 years later, I still cannot watch that episode." 



8. "I may have cried when my husband went to the gym after work. Because obviously he was having an affair."


chip butty

9. "I cried because I wanted a homemade chip buttie and my then-husband hadn't cut the potatoes into long straight chips that fitted neatly on the slice of bread."


baby clothes

10. "I cried and took to my bed for the entire Saturday afternoon because the kids were insufficiently excited at looking at the cute baby clothes I'd found in the charity shop, and instead wanted to look at something their dad had on his phone."


crying watching a movie

11. "I pointed at the film on the telly and blubbed through the tears, 'They've got to leave their home and the Nazis are chasing them and the little one's so little she has to be carried.' My ex looked from me to the telly and back to me again, and said in disbelief, 'It's the bloody Sound of Music'."


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Last updated: 5 months ago