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Talk Round-up

18 January 2013 

"Given that most of us failed the online British Citizen test, let's make up our own questions about what it's like to be British," suggested MardyBraWouldDoEddieRedmayne this week. "We need questions about British culture, class and manners that would truly work out if you knew the country. 

For example: What is a snakebite (tick all that apply)?
a. A bite from a snake
b. A mixture of cider and lager
c. A flaming from a nest of vipers." <whistles innocently>

OK, Moominsarhippos is on board and safe to say, anyone who's set hoof in this country in the last few days can answer her query: "What's in a beef burger?"

Mr Scribbles

Absy has been writing what she calls a 'culture guide' for a friend who might be moving to the UK, so she has much of this material covered. "Key question: Are pants outerwear or underwear?" she asked.

While FairPhyllis is concerned with our country's historical legacy. "You are visiting a National Trust property. True or false:
a. The main highlight of the visit will be the tea shop and gift boutique
b. You are encouraged to sit on the furniture in the display rooms
c. The entry fee will be very reasonable if you are not National Trust members."

And finally, a question on etiquette and a matter of modern manners from Lashingsofbingeinghere. After all, newcomers to our fair isle wouldn't want to stand out, would they?

"It's raining. Do you say to the person next to you at the bus stop...
a. Nice weather for ducks
b. This bloody country
c. Well, at least it's good for the garden
d. Bum, I left the washing on the line
e. None of the above. The British will only address a stranger if they are on fire, or similar."

"Ridiculous injury of the day: cut myself on a BAGEL," waaahed MathairMahoney, still bleeding. "Yes, you read it right. Not the lethally sharp knife I used to cut the bagel but the sharp edge of the toasted bagel as I lifted it from the toaster." Is anyone else on MN prey to injuries by inanimate objects? Eeeeeer.

Over to WeWishYouAMerryNameChange. "Yesterday I cut my hand on my skirt," she informed us brightly. A skirt? Yup. "It was a very attractive manoeuvre of putting my hand down my waist band to hoist my tights up. This discreet action was ruined by my hand p*ssing blood for about half an hour."

"I found inspiration for choosing baby names by looking in my fridge," quoth FaxMactor. "Chardonnay, Champagne and Stella jumped out at me right away, though they may be a little European for some. Olive is a good old-fashioned sounding name we don't hear much these days, well not since On The Buses finished. The one I eventually chose for my daughter was Danone, a nice healthy sounding name and funnily enough we fed her with plenty of yoghurt during her formative years. It's a real shame she's now a bit on the fat side but your shape can't always reflect your name, though my teenage son Pizza probably wouldn't have agreed." <snort> This FaxMactor seems like a GREAT new poster, hope they stick around...

"Don't forget Flora," counselled RightsaidFreud (unaware there was an excellent chance that this might have been the name of a beloved MNer's third child). Aftermay likes Dairylea, "though I prefer the Dairee-Leigh spelling". While atthewelles was considering "Hoi-Sin and Soya, but neither of us are of Asian ancestry, so people might think these silly names to give our children". Well, quite. Vairy silly. "We will probably go for something more traditional like Ketchup or Relish," she declared.

And far be it from us to impugn the honesty of the posters on this thread (eh, HelenMN?), but for some reason sleepysand felt obligated to state "GENUINE" before revealing that when naming her child she "was looking at Cornish girls' names and fell in love with the name Cryda. It wasn't until some kind MN'er pointed out that it sounded like a brand of white goods I realised the error of my ways!" As it is, her daughter Zanussi is doing great. 

(Keep sharing your citizen test suggestions with us on FB and Twitter and let us know if there's anything left in the fridge on the Talk boards) 

AITCH 

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