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11 January 2013
Happy New Year, folks! Round-up's back - and drink in that thread title.
"Any ideas?" frothed zgaze. "Been trying to blot it up with cold water but it's going to take years before it stops bubbling! What would happen if I got my steam cleaner on it? Will I be able to hold an Ibiza-style foam party here?"
"Party!" sympathised Arithmeticulous.
Poor zgaze, surely the MN trademarked White Vinegar of the Gods will help? (It works on everything if you pray hard enough at the altar of Flylady.) "Oh god," gaze wailed, "it's going to take me so long to mop it up. The bubbles are so dense! I'm reading horror stories on the internet saying the patch will turn black because it will attract dirt <sobs>. I've chucked a towel over it for now. I'll deal with it at the weekend. Or maybe never."
That's the way, less cleaning, more MN-ing... <chucks towel over zgaze>
"Jesus Christ I'm in agony, I have been assaulted by bloody cheese!" screamed ApocalypseCheeseToastie. "Someone left it in the fridge and hadn't rewrapped it properly so it had gone dry down one side. Anyway, I was hacking at the dry bits and a piece must have flamed off and has wedged under my thumbnail. It's really throbbing."
Help is at, er, hand, fear not, in the form of FellatioNelson. "I know! Get a very small mouse, preferably one that can burrow under your nail, and he will nibble it out." Cute, but Toastie's off to 'ask the pharmacist for advice'.
"Will the pharmacist Brie-lieve you though?" worried SarahStratton. "Cheese under a fingernail?" fretted Erebus. "Ugh, makes me Cheddar." "She should have cut the cheese more Caerphilly," nodded choccyp1g.
"Let's play Mumsnet Monopoly," said MardyBra this week. She's been inspired by the news that there's going to be a new Monopoly piece, and wondered what an MN version would look like.
"Tokens: Mooncup, Greggs pasty, biscuit, Fruit Shoot.
Properties: Mayfair and MN Towers, of course.
Free Parking would be Free Parent and Toddler Parking.
Chance and Community Chest: AIBU in your favour. Collect £200."
"Brilliant ideas!" enthused TheBOF. "You'd be dangerous if you did any work."
"The stations would be schools...one private, one Forest, one Montessori and one state," thought GoldPlatedNineDoors. BOF was back with the hard line: "You are tempted by a piece from the new Per Una collection. Go straight to jail."
"Chance: Tupperware Tax - pay £50 for every piece of lidless tupperware you own," suggested MulledWineAndScully.
"I so want this!" exclaimed MurderOfGoths... and she was not alone. <alerts HQ product team>
"So how does one become popular and well known on MN?" asked littlemisssunny. She joined Mumsnet last summer, and has noticed that: "Certain people seem well-known and popular. Can you tell I was always picked last for PE? So how do I get myself known?"
"You''ll probably need to quit work and let the kids run riot for a bit," offered Otherworld, wisely. Excellent point. <shoos children>
BitterAndTwistedChoreDodger had an interesting insight as well: "I would say either post loads, (preferably funny things) or find an abandoned baby animal and rear it whilst updating a thread about it." Oh, how lovely... "Or be a total bitch who gets right on people's nerves." Well yes, that too.
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