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9 November 2012
"It's Halloween and I am being haunted by a freaky doll," explained VerityClinch last week. "My friend popped over today with her two girls. Her youngest daughter accidentally left her doll here, I've promised I will courier it back tomorrow, but in the meantime, it's sitting here looking at me. DD refused to take it to bed with her, she says she doesn't care if the dolly gets lonely. So it's here, with me. Wherever I sit, it looks at me. It's huge, too, nearly the same size as my almost-two-year-old DS. It's got a Chucky-type plastic smile and it is FREAKING ME OUT. I gave it some chips at teatime and even texted a photo to my friend so she could see that we're looking after it properly. She said 'no rush to get it back to us'."
It's going to kill me in my sleep, isn't it?"
"She 'popped over'. At Halloween. And 'accidentally' left the doll," gulped NotQuite, while ratbagcatbag confessed to (completely not hysterically) having buried a similar toy "in a skip under bricks".
Jakadaal believes she knows this creature. "Sounds like a 'Roby'... my friends always say DD's doll looks like Chucky, so I recognised it from your description. He spends a lot of time fastened into a car seat in our car. Why? So I don't have to look at him, and to see the looks of horror on people passing by."
"Don't leave it in the kitchen," advised OTheEldritchManateesOfMadness. "Far too many knives. Do you have a basement you could chain it in, just in case?"
Cut to November 1st and, thankfully, we have news of Verity. "Well you will all be relieved to hear I made it through the night. But it is going STRAIGHT to the Post Office as soon as the place opens."
"I am very glad you survived," said SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius, "but have you checked that you still have your soul?"
But hang on, there's a positively Dahl-ian twist in this spooky tale.
"I'm an accountant, so it's probably safe to assume my soul is long gone," confessed Verity.
Meanwhile, belgianbun was worried about the instructions borne by her daughter's new recorder. "Item 7: Please do not use Yamaha recorders for any other purpose besides musical performance..." (Admit it, you just crossed your legs, didn't you?)
"Sword fighting?" asked GleamingHeels, innocently. "Instrument of torture?" queried NatashaBee.
LittleMissFlustered thought Nat might be on to something there... "They're banned under several articles of the Geneva Convention, aren't they?" (If they aren't, they blardy well should be...)
And now this... Is GeorgianMumto5 being unreasonable "to ask you how I can remove my fingers from a clay penguin?"
It hardly merits an answer. Of COURSE she isn't. This is the very stuff of MN. What occurred, George?
"...superglue. Obviously I am stupid, so try to refrain from telling me that. Soap, hot water and a teaspoon handle are having no effect. That's what it says on the bottle. I feel a tit and I'm missing Downton. Please help!"
"You're missing Downton?" queried CalaveraCatrina, with the sympathy for which MNers are known the world wide web over. "Is the penguin 15 foot tall?"