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Talk Round-up

19 October 2012

"Owwwwwwwww!" SlightlySuperiorPeasant was 'trying to tidy up a bit for the midwife' (top priority when one is 'aving a baby, dontchaknow?) and she's taken a little snip out of her 'lady bits'. Yowza.

Sympathetic as she was to Slightly's fate, OneOfMyTurnsComingOn couldn't but reflect on the condition of her own pre-natal topiary. "Does that make me a scruff? I had a sweep this morning with a right privet going on."

Mixxy had her own tale of woe. No blood this time but, well, see what you think. Who suffered most? Audience, it's up to you to decide.

TalkTalk

"I went to get waxed at my usual spa last week. I'm lying there in my paper knickers with my regular waxing lady.

Her: 'Lift your leg back just a little more, please.'

Me: 'I can't, my bump is too big. Sorry.'

Her: 'Let me just...' <pushes my right leg closer to me head>

Me: <pee>"

Saltire has opened her birthday gift from her mother-in-law. (Bear in mind the woman's last effort was a DVD of the of the Leuchars Air Show, a joint present to Saltire and her DH.) "It is a Duchess of Cambridge wedding figurine!"

"My (now ex, thankfully) MIL got me a framed photo of her other son one year for Christmas," recalled PedanticPanda, mournfully, while D0G's father-in-law bought her "a vibrator, for one of the very few birthdays of mine he has ever acknowledged".<cleans brain>

"What does she do?" asked NosFarlotu, exasperatedly. "Open eBay, bang her face on the keyboard and buy the first thing that pops up?"

Fortunately, CelstialNavigation has a suggestion. "Stick it up on top of a very high bookcase. Tell her you're recreating the balcony scene."

An AIBU, this time from kim147 who thinks that: "A 540-piece jigsaw of the world as a globe cannot be described as 'easy to assemble'."

"Done the continents," she reports. "DS helped with that. But it's those oceans. Especially the Pacific. Lots of blue."

Montysma1 has also been greatly inconvenienced by 'easy assembly' toys. "My husband bought a jigsaw-ish thing for our four-year-olds. There were hexagons and fishheads and tails in various colours that had to be matched in a honeycomb shape or something. On looking at it, he decided it was jolly difficult. On looking a bit more, he decided it was impossible. Did he quietly put it in a cupboard? Oh no... Being into puzzles and maths and logic and general geekhood, he decided to write a computer program. This has absorbed entire evenings for a week. He now has the program running and it predicts that it will arrive at the correct solution in just under 613 years' time."

And finally.... "AIBU to get annoyed with the bath!?" asked TheDetective. "More specifically - the overflow! All I want is to be covered in water up to my neck. All my bath wants is to give me as little water as possible and leave my boobs and tummy sticking above the parapet to freeze off! I run the bath until it's full, get in, and enjoy the first minute while I am totally covered with water. But then the overflow takes all the water I want away!" Waaaaah!

"Leave the bathtard," advised lurkedtoolong.

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