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Talk Round-up

12 October 2012

WildThongyoumakemyringsting is worried about something. "Minge isn't 'cheap', is it? One of my colleagues totally sneered when I mentioned it today. I buy the good stuff too, and use about 10oz for three people. A good winter dinner, I think."

To which perfectly perfect question the whole of MN replied, ever-helpfully: "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA."

"No no no... mince," wept poor WildThong, scandalised.

Cue more of this: "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA."

As Paul Newman himself might have said... via KateUnghoulyBush: "Why go out for minge when you can have steak at home?"

Method

"Arse. I've fake tanned the baby..." admitted Mother of the Year, sillymillyb. "I put Fake Bake on before bed and DS has obviously snuggled up to me in the night when he was feeding and now has a vaiiir attractive half-tanned face." (This is not something that health visitors mention in their 'dangers of co-sleeping' lecturette, is it?)

"Do you think I could pass it off as a late developing birth mark?" fretted silly.

Perhaps more importantly, stinkyfluffycat asked: "Do you also have a baby-shaped white mark on you?"

While Sparklingbrook suggested: "You had better do him all now."

"Best. Thread. Title. Ever." smiled thixotropic (although see above and below for contenders, thix… you really oughtta spend more time on MN).

Sillymillyb is back, having conducted an examination. "My left boob isn't as tanned as the right one, but luckily this is not noticeable unless you stare. This is why I have given up on self-improvement..."

"Any farmers on?" asked toni76. "How would you steal a bull?"

See? Drink that one in, thixotropic.

Back to toni. She's doing research for a novel that "needs a bit of cattle rustling". (Indeed, what book wouldn't be improved by such a thing?) "But I have absolutely no idea how to go about stealing a bull. I am very urban!" (Booyakasha!)

Fortunately, BedHog has an idea. "You'd probably need a matador in tight clothing (good looking, fit body obv), wafting his cloth around in front of a lorry. Bull charges, shut the lorry door behind him (the bull, not the matador). Bingo! <not a farmer either>" Really? We would never have guessed.

MousyMouse isn't a daughter of the soil either, but she did grow up next to a dairy farm that had a bull. In answer to the OP she would say, "Very, very, very carefully", clearly speaking from experience.

"Sorry," said toni76, "I should have mentioned it's a historical novel, so no lorries, no tranquilisers. I'm sure I could invent a slutty lady cow, though, if that helps." Sure, that helps.

"You'd have to write the lady cow up properly, though," warned OatyBeatie. "Give her a bit of backstory. What is her motivation? Low self-esteem leading her to seek out seedy encounters or daringly sexually autonomous? Is there a more caring bull somewhere who will tolerate her fall? Tess of the Uddervilles, perhaps."

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