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28 September 2012
"I just swallowed Harry Potter," exclaimed Petsinmypudenda this week. "Well, his Lego head. I was trying to get him out of a Lego helmet and swallowed him. DS will be furious."
Fans of JK Rowling and little yellow plastic people gathered round for a requiem, but as luck would have it, OatyBeatie knew ^exactly^ what to do... "EXPELLIARMUS!"
"Who's pissed on my dog?" queried InvisibleHotPinkWeasel, somewhat charmlessly. "My dog smells of wee. There have been no accidents. She is clean. She has just sat next to me and her head smells of wee. The dog is either with me. Or locked up alone. Who has pissed on my dog? <<bewildered>>"
"Is she an Andrex puppy?" asked PelvicFloorClenchReminder. "If so... easy mistake to make."
DowagersHump has had a text from the school secretary. "A 'personal item belonging to an adult' has been found in our playground. What on earth could it be?"
"Mooncup?" guessed UnChartered.
"A huge ribbed d*ldo," suggested THERhubarb. "I did wonder where I had left it."
"A copy of 50 Shades of Grey?" asked MrsRajeshKoothrappali, while AlistairSim thought the answer was 'a really big pair of pants'. "There will be a mother walking home now wondering why her undercarriage is so drafty."
EdMcDunnough wasn't happy with the text at all: "They need to be more specific. I mean you're going to feel SO stupid if you turn up saying, 'It's mine, I lost my vaginal strengthener', and they say, 'Sorry love, we only found a keyring'."
Psammead has lit up the MN bat signal. She needs our help, everyone!
"Send me into labour. G'wan. I am so sick and tired of it all. Just think pressing thoughts about birth and send them in a vague Southerly direction. I've tried everything else, so it's worth a shot."
PomBearWithAnOFRS heeded the call immediately, suggesting: "Get in the bath, hang one leg over the side and shout Swim Towards the Light." While milk sympathised madly. "I need to swallow an eviction notice!!!" she wailed.
"Are you up to any digging? Edging the borders got DS1 finally exiting via the main door," reported OhChristFENTON. "I think I have tried edging the borders with DH already," reported a blushing Psamm. "Oh, wait, that is a euphemism, right?"