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Talk Round-up

14 September 2012    

"So what went wrong at your wedding?" asked ivykaty44, admitting that the morning of the happiest day of her life was spent trying to convince the police not to remove her mother to the nearest station. (We are happy to report that she was a witness to a crime, rather than a lady on the lam).

"Nothing," declared FolkGirl. "It was perfect. Well, apart from the appalling weather. Oh and the fact that DD (two at the time) turned into Velcro toddler and I did the whole thing holding her. It was perfect." Aaaaw.

Yoghurtisnoticecream's brother-in-law committed the ultimate best-man sin on her big day. "He left the rings behind - plonker! We had to borrow some for the ceremony. I thought DH was going to pass out. He thought you couldn't actually get married without the correct rings."

Easily

Nancerama, however, was let down by her caterers, who brought "the wrong cake". (Hopefully not a Colin the Caterpillar chocolate log...) Still, you can't fault their customer service, as she says: "I complained the following week and am now the proud owner of a voucher for 20% off my next wedding cake. [hmm]"

QueenofFarkingEverything wanted a list of: "Things you don't want to hear a toddler say..."

"'I'm being Tarzan!' isn't great when they are in the furthest corner of the soft-play climbing area," suggested Soupdragon, "when as any experienced parent knows, Tarzan wears just pants." Most of us would agree with MammaTJisWearingGold that few utterances could be more doom-laden than a child proudly declaring, while in DIY giant B&Q, that: ''I needed a poo but it's ok: I found toilet all by my own."

But Psammead's poor DD attracted her ire with her: "'Bye bye Thomas' - in reference to her most precious and beloved Thomas the Tank Engine, which whistles and beeps and chugs - seconds before he was thrown two storeys through the upstairs banister, all the way into the concrete cellar."

Tough times for toys. Did he make it? "He survived. With a stutter."

In light of recent news events, Goldmandra made a dig regarding a dig. "Am I being unreasonable," she asked, "to think they should leave dead kings where they are? How long does someone have to be dead before it's OK to dig them up again?" When they're past their best-by date, presumably, as PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot put it: "I'd rather be moved than have a Lidl on my head." Waitrose, however...

(Follows us on FB and Twitter for more tales of wedding diasters and toy cruelty.) 

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