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10 August 2012
"Teachers. Admit it. This is a perk of the job isn't it?" demanded pagwatch, on receipt of her child's end-of-term schoolwork. "In one piece, DD provides a slice of home life which is mighty embarrassing. She also talks about drinking wine. She is eight." The accusation continues: "Teachers, you find these things funny don't you? I have believed this since my mother told me about turning up at my school and finding mounted on the wall a picture I had drawn of her and dad 'playing in the bath'. Come on, you might as well admit it..."
RupertTheBear wasn't even slightly bashful in admitting her delight. "Oh absolutely! I laughed until I cried over a piece of work where the nine-year-old child described her older brother moving to Spain to w*nk for a year (we think/hope she meant work)."
"That is a realistic, yet exhausting, gap year," sympathised pag, admitting that her DS1's effort had been writing: "a lovely harvest poem thanking God for the craps in the field…"
"It's a fab perk," agreed TwilaAndTinsel. "My particular favourite was the little boy who told the entire class that the Easter Bunny wasn't real 'because I saw my Mummy wearing a fluffy tail and my Daddy was chasing her!'"
TrinityMotherOfRhinos has also suffered from the unblinking mirror that is her children. "DD1 had a Monday book in which they wrote about what they had done at home. I was so excited about seeing what she had written at parents' evening." Alas, it went: "'Mummy and Daddy were in the garden smoking. Mummy drinks wine. Daddy likes poker. Mummy and Daddy do lots of cuddling,' followed by a lengthy report of when DD2 smashed a glass bowl and got a bit in her foot. We sound fab."
"I once had to ring a pupil's mum because her DD had handcuffed someone to a tree and we needed her to bring the key to school," sympathised TwilaandTinsel, "This is why DH and I are strictly vanilla until the children are older."
You know you've read too much Jilly Cooper," PerditaMcLeod declared, "when... you find yourself disagreeing with the Olympic showjumping commentator when they say GB hasn't won a showjumping medal in 60 years and you think, 'hang on, what about Rupert Campbell-Black? <Inserts 'get a life emoticon'>"
"I don't know what you mean," winked MrsCampbellBlack, before pointing out that her fictional husband "did it with a broken heart and a broken shoulder. (Well perhaps not a broken heart.)" Hassled, too, thought of Rupert when she heard the news, as did RipMacWinkle, who had "read about a team member called Piggy something having to pull out due to her horse being injured. I did comment to DH that this was exactly the type of name featured in a JC novel."
Littlemachine, meanwhile, owes an A Level to the gap-toothed author, because: "The Spanish part of my General Studies A Level was a piece of comprehension text about polo (in Spanish) with the multiple choice questions in English. I was able to answer all the questions without reading the Spanish, thanks to Jilly."
TaggieMandevilleBlack has 10 days off work. "I forsee a Jilly Marathon. Can you get them on Kindle?" she asked brightly.
"Anyone fancy joining me in living life according to Granny Murray's advice?" asked spotofcheerfulness. "Every episode she comes out with some pleasantly obvious and trivial aphorism which the characters remember in the nick of time, and which solves all their problems. In the absence of any other guiding philosophy/religion in my life, I have decided to live by her advice each day, and when in doubt, ask myself 'what would Granny Murray do?' Yesterday, she advised me to make the most of the sunshine. Today, it's more haste, less speed. I am surely on a fast track to canonisation if I continue to follow this path."
Bigkidsdidit is game, on condition there's a clause about clothing, stating: "I'll do it if I don't have to copy her jumper/scarf combo."
PigeonPie, it would appear, is a natural (and not a fan of CBeebies). "I have no idea who Granny Murray is but it appears I am already her! I have used both those phrases with my DC in the last 48 hours."
"Oh dear," sighed a disappointed EdithWeston. "I thought this was going to be a tennis coaching thread."
(For regular updates on the mental wealth of Granny Murray, and details of where to find the best tennis coaches, do follow us on Facebook and Twitter. Because it's nice to be included, as Granny herself will almost certainly have said at one point.)