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27 July 2012
"OMG! My husband is INSANE! You will never guess what he has bought... I despair," wailed QuintessentialShadows.
"A 6ft-tall cardboard cut-out of Batman?" offered RealityStrikesAgain.
"Matching his 'n' hers bottom bleaching kits? 101 puppies? A snail farm? A timeshare in Kabul?" suggested PomBearWithAnOFRS.
It's 5m long and to be picked up in Cheshire, folks.
"Boa constrictor," said FallenCaryatid.
PomBear, becoming slightly hysterical, returned with a "giant inflatable banana?"
So... it's "not a garden slide, but somewhere between an alpenhorn, garden slide, and canoe, with something in common with Scalextric", conceded Quint, whose beloved husband, it transpires, has only "gone and bought a HALFPIPE for the garden..." As in skateboarding ramp.
"Oh dear," advised Flimflammery, solemnly. "Better get yourselves third-party insurance."
CharlieUniformNovemberTango's "three-year-old DS who is stropping after I threw the (big, soft) ball at his face. He's not upset it hit him in the face. No. He's pissed off because he asked 20 times for me to throw it in his mouth and I dared throw it at his nose instead..."
TheLurkiestLurker had some sympathy with Charlie's plight: "Twenty-month-old DS had a tantrum this afternoon because I wouldn't let him play with the 'pretty' stinging nettles."
The aptly named Petsinmypudenda confessed that: "DS1 once threw a huge strop at Marwell Zoo because the zoo keeper couldn't tell him what noise a snail made." While iliketea is unsure how to resolve her DD's latest problem, to wit "her wand floated up into the cloud and she can't do magic anymore".
Kveta's nearly-three-year-old son recently suffered all the agonies of being a toddler when he spotted a dog on the other side of the street. "I don't want see dog," he told his mother. "'Don't look then," she replied, which was followed by: "'I can't not look!' as he keeled over screaming."
The saddest sight of all, however, must have been 70isaLimitNotaTarget's wee daughter, who was ''devastated" when she discovered the Christmas Fayre at her brother's school was a Fayre not a Fair. "She was expecting helter skelters and bouncy castles. Curse the English language."
"Whatever happened to Trinny and Susannah?" asked Frontline, this week. "Are they still standing naked facing each other all the time? Grappling with people's hooters? Wrestling people into wrap dresses?"
"Ha," snorted PrisonerOfWaugh. "I stood in front of a full-length mirror this morning, thinking, 'What would Trinny and Susannah say?' Couldn't tell you which one was which though, they came as a pair!"
And the answer? RaisinDEtre knows... "They went outta fashion. Boom tish." We thangyew.
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