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13 July 2012
"Unspeakable life skills you have gained through parenthood that can't go on your CV?" enquired HoneydragonWearingLederhosen, quoting her own superheroic ability to complete a number two, "in the time it takes to shout HANG ON I'M COMING".
LittleWhiteWolf can: "Catch sick in my hands, of course." PomBearWithAnOFRS confirmed with some considerably pride that she can: "Extract any bodily emission from any bodily orifice and/or household crevice without flinching. I'm pretty good at foreign body extraction too, only DS's earbud thingy from his iPod beat me". <actual shudder>
Meanwhile, FormerlyTitledUntidy boasted that she can: "Break up fights, clean sick or poo off most textiles, deal with tantrums... But since I'm a nurse all of this is pretty par for the course and probably should be on my CV, just in different words."
"You probably have to make it sound nurturing on a nurse's CV," winked Honey.
Is ChaosTrulyReigns being unreasonable? She doesn't want to sit on her friends' sofa, "now I have the never-erasable-knowledge that they frequently have c-e-x on it."
"Bleurgh. It's not wipeable pleather either," she said, disgustedly.
"Do you never have c-e-x on your own sofa then?" enquired a sceptical SaggyOldClothCatPuss.
"C-e-x is for beds, Saggs," confirmed Chaos.
Not so, claimed Saggy before providing a surprisingly comprehensive list of Places Where People Do It: "C-e-x is for beds, sofas, rugs, countertops, cars, hay barns, woods, showers, trampolines... There are people and animals having c-e-x everywhere. In fact, there are probably microscopic animals having c-e-x on your person, right now!"
"Hmm," thought Chaos. "How old are you, Saggs?"
Thank heavens for CadleCrap, then, who at least had some suggestion as to how Chaos should comport herself next time she popped in for a visit. "Could you just perch on the arm?" she proposed. "But then again, she might have been bending over that."
"Totally outing myself but I have to share..." offered kickingKcurlyC this week (and now, via the auspices of Round-up, outing herself all the more). Stand by.
"A little girl has joined DD's nursery. Her name is CUPCAKE. I suppose it is nicer than Fishfinger, or Potato. (Oh. If the mum is a Mumsnetter: Hello, mum of Cupcake!)"
"How... sweet," commented happystory, not entirely convinced, while GnocchiNineDoors was "<rummaging in knicker drawer for judgey pants>".
"Why would anyone look at their perfect beautiful new child and think, 'I'm going to condemn you to a life of ridicule and embarrassment'?" pondered lisaro. "As I said to my sons, Jaffa Cakes and Hobnobs..."
Whattodoo, on the other hand, uttered just one word, but whether it was a comment on the latest trend in baked goods or the condition of the person responsible for naming this child we will never know.