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P. D. JAMES'S MAGNIFICENT MURDER MYSTERY sequel to Pride and Prejudice, Death Comes to Pemberley is now in paperback and ebook. Six years after we left them, rejoin Darcy, Elizabeth and her sisters on the night Lydia is convinced that Wickham has been murdered...

Talk Round-up

6 July 2012

What's this? An actual thingummyjigging PARENTING question in the floofing PARENTING section of MN? <blinks and rubs eyes> Looks like it...

"Sand-eating babies?" asked darkfever. "We sat 10-month-old DS down on the beach for the first time yesterday, and he spent most of the time grabbing big handfuls of sand and trying to eat it. How quickly do babies figure out that it isn't fun to eat?

"DD2 used to do this loads," sympathised notnowbernard. "The contents of her nappy were shocking - we could've rented her out as a brickie's mate."

NorbertDentressangle was at least encouraging that he would grow out of it, saying: "Don't worry - he'll move onto chomping on big pebbles next when he gets bored of the sand."

PD James

"Can you use the baby weight excuse five years down the line?" asked FeelLikeTweedleDee this week. "And who actually believes it? Men? The childless? Discuss."

On MN? Heaven forfend.

Thank goodness for ShowOfHands, who gave comfort to well-rounded women everywhere with the information: "My MIL still says it and her youngest is 23."

And so to bed, inevitably, to experience 50 Shades of Mumsnet - a novel wot we wrote. TiggyD is off and running, while I am mostly wondering if your spam filters will cope...

"Bernard met Beverly. 'Hello Beverly,' said Bernard. 'Hello Bernard,' said Beverly. All Beverly's clothes fell off. Bernard smacked Beverly on the bottom and put his winkie into her woo woo.

'Ooooh, ahhhh, mmmmm, thank you Bernard,' said Beverly. 'That was very nice.'"

Bernard went back home to await the plumber who was due at about half past four to sort out the problems with Bernard's toilet, although Bernard was pretty sure it was caused by his poor diet, he thought he'd get it checked anyway. Next chapter please..."

Hang on, there's a complainer. (There's always one). "Shouldn't she be called Sharon?" queried PomBearWithAnOFRS. "Oh, and be beaten on the bum with a wasp fly swatter?"

"Some naice ham should be involved somehow," said Annie.

"The next day he introduced her to bl** jobs," continued Valpolicella, "She was reminded of the first time she downed a Fruit Shoot as he unravelled in her mouth."

SarahStratton, it seems, hasn't read the source material, and asked: "When does she leave the b*stard?", while fivegomadindorset was concerned that "one night has to be spent in a bell tent".

CJfromTheWestWing, at least, ploughs mercilessly on (as does Bernard). "Her socks, he knew, would match the way his pants hung from his hips in that way. 'Swoon,' thought Beverley. Bernard, on seeing Beverley, decided he would try vanilla sex for the first time ever ever ever."

"But when he saw the glass vial the vanilla pod came in, he had a much better idea..." squeaked trixie123.

Well, as Teladi says: "It was Friday night after all."

 

Indeed it is, friends, and we hope you have a great weekend with your most beloveds. Don't miss the filth and the fury of MN too much, there's always the MN Facebook and Twitter feeds to keep you entertained if you're too tied up (by your own personal Bernards) to get to the main site.

AITCH 

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