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Talk Round-up

15 June 2012


"The Playmobil people in our house are celebrating the Diamond Jubilee of King Athelstan," announced SoMuchToBits this week. "It's a bit late, because their Almighty Owner was on holiday last week. Festivities have got off to a good start with a flotilla of boats sailing along the River Rugg." If you value your sanity, don't click here. The rest of us... g'wan. Yes, that's a ginorme and very detailed Playmo flotilla.

"I expect King Athelstan will be hospitalised with a bladder infection," chirped Aboutlastnight, with all the charm of Tess Daly being knighted in a downpour. "We do have a Playmo hospital, should the need arise..." confirmed SoMuch, solemnly.

"I hope there will be teeny, plastic oxen roasting on spits and teeny, plastic fountains flowing with wine?" said stubbornstains, waving her teeny red, white and blue flag. ZuzuBailey observed: "You are a mad woman, but in a nice way."

National Trust

At least Bproud was in favour: "I was on holiday too, and missed the smaller-scale ER flotilla, so this re-enactment is both educational and mercifully devoid of a BBC commentary."

Long live Norman the Foreman, and all who sail in him. <clinks celebratory mug of tea>

"AIBU," enquired a wholly reasonable Scarlet73, "to ask our rather nice new gym instructor to wear something other than very close-fitting Lycra shorts? He seems to be quite a 'show-er' but his attributes attract way too much attention. I seem to find my eyes wandering a little during sessions and sometimes I have to get closer to the front to prevent others from getting distracted too! On the plus side I have lost half a stone."

ChippingInNeedsCoffee was impressed by Scarlet's commitment and self-sacrifice: "I think it is so good of you to get closer to the front to prevent others being distracted - you are providing a wonderful service. Name of gym?"

GetOrfMoiLand, meanwhile, is pondering parenting the Enid Blyton way. What's wrong with these scenarios?

"Your child goes to boarding school, when she comes home you decide you need a holiday, with just your husband, to Polzeath. You don't want to take your child so send her off into the countryside with her cousins, where she is vulnerable to ambush by Ruffians.

"If your children don't want to go to school because they feel rejected by a new baby sibling, send 'em anyway.

"Don't worry if your children spend an inordinate amount of time in trees with a man dressed in saucepans."

Dinkystinky's on board: "Just ensure they have lashings of ginger beer and jam sandwiches and the fact you're absent is fine... It's my new parenting mantra." PaintedToenails has some extra stipulations: "Make sure that one of the gang is a girly girl, with a girly girl name, one is a tomboy with an ambiguous, ambisexual name and one must, MUST be a dog."

"That Mr Pink Whistle - police interceptors are going to catch up with him soon," warned YouveCatToBeKittenMe. "His name is so obvious." While Finallygotaround to it advised: "Never ever give them suncream - they must turn a conker brown in the baking sun." Sittinginthesun reminded us that: "They can only go on an adventure if they have done their chores. Washing and darning for the girls, gardening and chopping wood for the boys. For several days."

Before you all rush to adopt these techniques, however, LeQueen has some major questions to ask about one of the main proponents. "Exactly what sort of science does Uncle Quentin do?" Oh. Good question. "He lives in a small cottage, there's no laboratory, nothing, just a small study, where he can never be disturbed."

Well, she's got a theory, but it ain't pretty: "I don't reckon he's a scientist at all. He's sitting in his study with a copy of Razzle, and a heat-pad for his wrist..."

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