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Talk Round-up

8 June 2012

RabidAnchovy is suffused with Olympic spirit (at least we think that's the spirit she's been consuming) and she reckons we should have our own MN torch. In fact, she's already started running.

"Look out for that pothole!" warned timetosmile. MNP was concerned enough to erect "<No Naked Flame>" signs, while McPhee mischievously "<turned route signs round>". SkipTheLightFanjango was all for the torch on the condition that "I get to sell it on eBay for squillions", but lambriniplease, rather distractingly, wanted to "<run in front of torch flashing boobs just to get on telly>". What would Clare Balding think?

This was not the sort of event of which Lord Coe would approve. Or Soupdragon, it turns out: "Health and Safety, people, Health and Safety. Which clown did the risk assessment for this?"

National Trust

"Not me," replied startail, "<sets hair on fire>".

Question. Should OMGwhyohwhy STILL be embarrassed about this? You decide. (Although for the record the answer is yes.)

"Two weeks ago I was just about to turn in for the night when I decided to put into our loft a large piece of loft flooring." Drink this in, folks. A large piece of loft flooring...

"2.4m by 80cm or so. I stood on the ladder and got DS1 (13) to help me. All was going well until the board went past the 'tipping point' at which point it over balanced and trapped me. I had started the whole thing wrong and so ended up facing backwards on the loft ladder with the (rather heavy) board trapping my neck against the loft hatch surround. NOT a good situation to be in. I was carrying the weight of the loft board and was slipping further and further down so was getting more and more trapped. The DCs got my nephew round to help but when he moved the board it just trapped me further.

"Cue calls to 999 and me shouting from the loft to their request for an ambulance, 'I AM breathing, do NOT send a paramedic!'

"Soooooo, much to my relief the firemen arrived and I was quickly freed.

"TWO engines (shame, shame) and a paramedic car (double shame).

"BUT... and here is my AIBU for STILL cringing every time I think of it.

"I was wearing my swimming costume."

"Come on," giggled squeakytoy. "You have to tell us why you had a swimming costume on... had you been using the loft board to practise diving?" Hassled was also curious about the cossie: "You were about to turn in for the night - is that what you sleep in?"

OMG had an explanation: "It followed a (I like to think) logical sequence: a) decide to try on new costume for DD to 'OK'; b) decide to put board in loft; c) think, no point in getting dressed, I'm off to bed in a mo; d) think, don't put on robe, it will get in the way.

OBV c) and d) were taken without the thought of five firemen. They were treated to my lower portion only on the ladder, as hairy as a yeti (I could have PLAITED my leg hair) and my first words to them were, 'I can explain the swimming costume'.

"As they were getting me out, there was a moment's discussion between them as to which way they should take the board, eg up into the loft or down into the hall. Cue me shouting: 'Up, up, go over me, I don't want it BACK in the hall.'"

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme approved: "Brilliant. Desperately stuck but still practical. Soooo MN. <pins badge on OMG's swimming costume>"

And now here's TrumpetInvoluntary wanting to know about: "Farting at 50."

"50 what?" asked TalcandTurnips. "Metres? Decibels? Thousand Leagues Under The Sea?"

Turns out she meant age-related flatulence, the sudden appearance of which was apparently upsetting her fella.

SkinnyVanillaLatte thought she might have the answer to this domestic problem: "Could you not just shout 'TAKE COVER!' at the top of your voice?"

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AITCH 

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