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Talk Round-up

11 May 2012

"Am I being unreasonable," asked threeineachlobe this week, "to throw water over a pigeon I've just spray painted?" Oh come ON.

"Stay with me," begged three. "Just started to spray paint a fence panel, must have startled poor pidge behind fence as it flapped up maniacally. I had a bit of a scream... whilst holding spray trigger. Pidge is now half 'oak brown', sitting in tree. Can't quite tell if he's OK, not giving much away with facial expression. Have googled 'accidentally painted a pigeon' with disappointingly unresourceful results. So, should I just chuck water at it and hope it comes off? Turps would seem a little extreme."

Practicalities first. Bloodybridget has a question: "What sort of paint was it? If oil-based, water won't improve things."

"Cross your fingers for rain?" suggested AgentZigzag.

Wychwood Festival

Selyna, however, was concerned for the bird's emotional wellbeing, "Imagine him going back to his birdy friends and they are like, 'Paul? Is that you?'"

"Just read tin - says 'wax enriched and water repellant'. That's not good is it?" reported threeineachlobe.

Idontbelieveanymore tried her best to put a positive spin on the avian vandalism: "That bird will be terribly grateful - he will stay naice and warm and dry in this horrible weather we are having. You did it a favour. Maybe start up a bird-spraying service?"

"And he can now sit on any oak brown fence and not be seen by puddycats!" pointed out BlueRinse.

"I keep thinking about poor Paul the pigeon in little paper pants," mused travellingwilbury. "I need help."

Thetokengirl wants to know something. "Can crocodiles climb stairs?" Easy question, non? "I asked. DS (3), said no. DS (10) and DH laughing too much to answer. I'm not thick, but I don't know and would like to know." Can anyone help her?

In the absence of David Attenborough, here's ZZZenAgain: "It is almost impossible for most people to outrun a healthy crocodile. They can sprint (but only in a straight line) much faster than most people could, even with the adrenalin boost you would have in that situation, which I should think would be considerable. Getting up stairs would be a clumsy, slowish affair but they can do it."

Worrying news.

Spink, at least, was inclined to be comforting: "I am quite sure they cannot manage door handles though so running upstairs into the bedroom and shutting the door firmly behind you could be a plan?" GentleOtter, a well-known farmer of this parish, had yet more info: "Cows can climb stairs but cannot descend them." This prompted ZZZen to add to her previous thought: "If you have a cow upstairs, of course the croc might get up there a bit faster." Tru dat.

CreamolaFoamless has had a disaster: "60 tins of beans... 60... 60 tins of beans! What I can do with my 60 tins of beans?"

(Internet shopping, since you ask.)

Much wailing. "Stupidly, and I'm not sure quite sure how I managed it, I ordered 60 tins of beans (baked) instead of six and the delivery driver just laughed and said he couldn't take them back because I had made the mistake. Damn my sausage fingers."

"Obviously you'll have to do a sponsored sit in a bath full of baked beans. I'll give you 10p," offered a generous smalltown.

"Just think of all the wind energy you could harvest!" suggested NorbertDentressangle, with one eye on the planet. "Your fuel bills could be substantially lower this quarter."

Jazzchickens had the controversial idea of eating them, and even came up with a recipe: "Sausage fingers and baked beans."

"I hate home shopping," moaned Creamola. "It's like the time I tried to order one bit/knobble of ginger and got delivered 1lb of the damn stuff. They should build in a safety/stupidity check where a box flashes and says 'do you really, really want 1lb of ginger/60 tins of baked beans'?" They definitely, definitely should.

AITCH

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