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Talk Round-up

27 April 2012

A warning, this week, from entropygirl... don't forget to "take out the extended warranty on your child". She didn't, and look what happened. "I am stuck with a faulty child. A by no means comprehensive list of the faults includes: the emission of stinking substances of various consistencies and colours; no understandable speech but the child emits high-pitch yells for no apparent reason; a total lack of musical ability; a tendency to use noodles as a weapon of mass destruction; a faulty sleep-mode which fails intermittently during both day and night; and some sort of failure in the mobility function which causes falling and bumping. I suppose as I have only had the product (of conception) for 10 months, I may be able to get a refund under the manufacturer's guarantee instead?"

FondleWithCare was panicking: "I've lost my receipt. Is there anything I can do?" Manicbmc has seen Watchdog a few times, and thought she had a legal angle: "Can you return as faulty goods? Mine just seems to emit grunts, sleep and eat. But I think I've left it too long now. Would I get a refund after 17 years?" Wilmot, on the other hand, has seen The IT Crowd: "Have you tried switching him off then on again?"

Entropygirl was back, less confident still on her consumer rights regarding her wonky produce: "I suppose returning to sender would be an issue, especially as the people delivering it were so rude. They just didn't want to know about how small the letterbox was and how very large the parcel..."

The Singing Mermaid

Stayathomegardener pointed the Mumsnet Olympics starter gun at the air and blasted away. "Please nominate your categories here," she announced. "I shall commence the nominations with Stealth Boasting. Following several glasses of wine last night, I went for three in this discipline, all in the same thread. I feel I may be a contender for a bronze medal." (Yeah, good luck with that... hasn't she seen G&T? She's not even the amateurs' amateur.)

HarrietJ0nes felt an "endurance posting" award was necessary "for those who type all day and night", while PurplePidjin wanted to inaugurate the "C**klodger Shotput: exactly how far can you throw that useless waste of space, and can you trust him for the whole length?" Or, as OhDearNigel rather snappily puts it: "Speed Leaving-the-b*stard."

CogitoErgoSometimes made her bid to join the MN Olympics Committee with the "Judgy Pant Hoisting Pentathlon. Individual events include: Glare Shooting, Freestyle Benefit Bashing, Arms Folded over the Garden Fencing, Cross-Country School Running and Loud Parenting."

AbsofAwesomeness did her best Seb Coe impersonation, and summed up: "This 2012 MN Olympics is going to be a very competitive event. It's not for the fainthearted. I'm still in awe of my nominee for AIBU Stubbornness: someone carried on going 'nah, I'm right lol' and I'm going 'your use of lol proves that you're wrong bizatch'." There you have it - precisely the level of sports(wo)manship that we will expect for the event itself. Lol.

And was ChaosTrulyReigns being unreasonable "to try and get Google Street View to retake the photos of our house?" You decide.

"I was horrified to find that the images of our street were taken on Bin Day. So, there's my semi, in all its glory" <we allow a moment for MNers to snort at 'semi, in all its glory'> "with two go-faster bins strewn across the pavement in front of my bushes. It's not just about what the neighbours think nowadays, is it? The whole world can formulate opinions as to your slovenly habits."

Cocolepew was sympathetic. "Mine was taken on bin day, before it was painted and before I got my nice new fence. We were looking at them in work so I said my neighbour's house was mine. She has a lovely garden."

"Streetview also has me on it," confessed Calavera. "Am I (for all posterity) stepping stridently down the street in my work wear? Or engaging in some glamorous activity? Am I b*ggery... I'm standing outside the school gate in the rain with a fleece on."

SpringHeeledJack had to take drastic action to rid herself of her Google image. "Mine had a gopping rolled-up carpet in front. They wouldn't retake it. I would know - I asked 'em. We had to actually move house."

AITCH
 

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