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20 April 2012
"Only with Ocado..." announced an unusually impressed Soupdragon last week (or possibly the week before... it's so hard to keep track in the holidays). She had received a text from Waitrose, informing her: 'Today your order will be delivered by Jesus in the Cabbage van'. Impressive, non? "You don't get the Son of God delivering groceries for just any supermarket."
"Well, it is Easter," pointed out Mrsjay.
"I was a little suspicious at the sandals and halo," acknowledged the mighty dragon. "Also, the water I ordered appears to have been turned into wine, which is a bonus. I have high hopes for the five loaves of bread and two fish as well."
A rather jaded-sounding emmanana joined in with: "I had Jesus once, and Wayne in the strawberry van." But his customer service wasn't up to much and some of emma's items were damaged. "I had a friend staying who dared me to ring up and tell them, 'Jesus broke my eggs'."
As if to defend the ecumenical position of Mumsnet's favourite supermarket, SummerLightning boasted that she'd "had Mohammed in a strawberry van yesterday". This caused SuePurblyBilt to complain bitterly: "Oooo. This is why it sucks being poor. You'd not catch the Messiah in Lidl." Not unless he was being a very naughty boy.
"My bottom lip has been twitching for about six hours," reported CrockoDuck, who had, of course, consulted Dr Google. "I have been reliably informed that I'm either having a stroke, or it's the onset of Parkinson's."
Nor was MarieFromStMoritz too thrilled when "every single one of my symptoms pointed to a prostate problem, except... I don't have a prostate".
That's nothing, said ineedamiracle: "He once diagnosed me with Gulf War Syndrome. I haven't even got a passport."
Is TheAvocadoOfWisdom being unreasonable "to draw the line at breastfeeding my hairbrush?" What's the consensus, chaps? Listen up.
"DD is 18 months and breastfed morning and evening. In the last month or so, she's become very insistent on having her favourite cuddly monkey and dinosaur breastfed too. She finishes feeding on one side, then holds up monkey to let him feed, making pretend sucking noises, and then gives dinosaur a turn. Yesterday, I had to breastfeed a toy car. Fine, OK, it's a one-off. Today she wants me to breastfeed my hairbrush. I said no (in a cheery, casual way), and she had a full-on tantrum. AIBU? Or should I indulge her?"
"You should inform the toddler of the correct use of a hairbrush by singing into it in front of a mirror with an 80s soundtrack," advised smearedinfood, solemnly. And neverquitesure concurred that Avocado was not being unreasonable in giving the hairbrush a miss. "YANBU. I refuse to breastfeed anything without a mouth," she stated. "Today I have breastfed a cuddly toy, a small Hello Kitty and (ironically) a plastic cow."
StetsonsAreCool, on the other hand, was all for this lacto-play: "Brilliant! DD is 23 months and has just started to share her feed with Puppy (imaginative naming Chez Stetsons). Maybe I'll see if I can get her to feed Puppy instead though, save me being pinned to the sofa like the early days."
"Please tell me this isn't a real puppy?" asked a now highly concerned Avocado. See, that's the thing about MN conversations, dear girl... once you start them, you can't control where they end up.
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