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Talk Round-up

30 March 2012

It's a very undercracker-focused round-up this week for some reason, so let's just pray that the spam filters are kind to us…

"OH MY GOD MY FANJO IS ON FIRE!" declared VivianDarkbloom. "WHO WAS IT that told me to 'Nair Sensitive' my undermost undercarriage?" She continues, no doubt shifting uneasily in her seat: "Previously, I have applied it carefully with a round mirror, then sat Zen-like in the lotus position for the full 15 mins, before swaggering carefully to the shower à la John Wayne for removal. But, this time, the postman knocked and I had to walk downstairs and answer with a towel wrapped round my waist. The result is that the Nair seems to have smeared into my innermost fanjo and, although it didn't hurt that much when I was showering it off, I have just attempted a wee and I nearly screamed in pain. IT BURNS."

Babies R UsA helpful NormaStanleyFletcher immediately offered the advice of "<calls fire brigade>" to attend to the pudendal conflagration but piprabbit was unsympathetic: "I'm sorry but, if you will go around slathering your most sensitive parts in a chemical that dissolves hair, then you might expect a little smarting. You wouldn't pour drain cleaner on your fanjo if MN told you to would you. Would you?"

Well, would you? Actually… "According to MN, Veet is a drain cleaner," points out ItsAllGoingToBeFine, which is Actually True. (See any amount of 'weird cleaning tips' threads).

"The silver lining in all this is that I've learnt a new excellent saying - 'fanjo inferno'," announced Pinot, with the sort of generosity of spirit and care for her fellow woman that we have come to expect of MNers. "I mean, it's not a silver lining for you, dear flaming OP, but I'm happy."

And now: "How can I get rid of a vibrator?" asks musicposy innocently. "I was thinking the other day that mine has seen better days (don't ask). However, you aren't allowed to throw electricals in the household rubbish any more, are you? And our local tip has a complicated system where everything is manned and all the goods are divided into type. There's a skip of fridges and washing machines, one of kettles - you get the picture. There's loads of staff on hand to assist you with your every waste-dumping query. So I really don't fancy turning up there, waving my rabbit at some strange bloke and asking 'Where do I put this?'" No, indeed. 

LeBOF has a solution, albeit one that might require some intimate delving into both MN Classics and Gray's Anatomy (that's the textbook, not the TV series): "Let go until it wiggles its way into your Pouch Of Douglas?"

Starwisher bravely took the eco approach, suggesting, "Put it on Freecycle." Because what person wouldn't want a knackered dil'? Perhaps we should call it 'vintage' and see if she can get some money for it on eBay?

And then someone (ABatInBunkFive <points> <narrows eyes>) proposed posting it to the Prime Minister of this country, which became a snappily-entitled campaign, the details of which it would be inadvisable to send to a gerzillion inboxes but is Totally Worth A Read, before igggi calmed things down with the more poetic solution of "attaching it to a helium balloon and watching it fly away". Sweet.

But I think all would agree that cocolepew has come up with the most adorable answer, albeit one that might be best originating from the Wheelie Bin of musicposy's next door neighbour. "Put it out for the binmen to attach to the front of their lorry. It would look lovely next to a dog-eared Scooby Doo." It would, wouldn't it? Not to mention making a Whole New Ending to Toy Story 3.


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