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Talk Round-up

23 March 2012

Babies R Us

"The names of Farrow & Ball paints are effing RIDICULOUS. Dead Salmon?! Bloody idiots," declared Bupcakes. "Here are some I made up myself."

Brace yourselves: "Menses Red", "Jaune de Bedpan", and "Composting Bin Khaki".

So, now that everyone's feeling slightly queasy, on to TalcAndTurnips, who should get a job with F&B on the strength of her work on this thread: "Swimming Instructor's Flip-Flop", "Dysentry", "Norman Lamont", "Geography Teacher", and "Milton Keynes".

"I offer Lochia," said SwedishEdith, putting everyone off their dinner once and for all, but microserf employed her own experience with the products to suggest: "Whitish Cream Eggshell that chips off as you gently rest your eyes upon it. Calluna Lavender which comes off if you put anything against it leaving a nice big mark showing the equally expensive undercoat. Not Actually Wipeable But Marketed As Wipeable 7% sheen bloody overpriced emulsion."

"DH says I am angry, but actually I am just disappointed," she reported. Nothing scarier than a disappointed mother, is there? <peers>

And then there's this, from StateofConfusion, who told a fascinated crowd this week that "There have been two people sat in a car outside my house for 83 hours. Possibly longer." Nameuschangeus spoke for everyone when she asked, "Do you really mean 83 hours?"

"According to DP, yes!" reported State. "He noticed them first thing on Monday morning. The windows are all shut and covered in condensation, and every now and again the lady opposite goes out and speaks to them. They aren't dead - there's been lots of fornicating visible from my nosing about."

"Change your WiFi name to WeAreWatchingYouWatchingUsYouAreRubbishAtThis," suggested ChaosTrulyReigns, "Then see what happens."

"It'll be someone who's refused to have their child and GF/BF sleep together under their roof. There'll be a thread soon," suggested habbibu, with the confidence of someone who had once defied her own mother from the back seat of a stationary vehicle.

"Sting and Trudie being all tantric?" asked ObliviouslyOblivious. "Or is it a Record Breakers attempt?" piped up habs again, "and woman coming out to check is the new Norris McWhirter?"

Now listen...it went on for a long time, this thread, and StateofConfusion did the best she could to take photos and keep us updated, even to the extent of considering pepperrabbit's advice to install 'gnomes (with little cameras)' onto her front lawn, in order to provide 24-hour surveillance. (Thus far, most of the coverage has been broadcast direct from her upstairs bathroom, family ablutions permitting). So let us skip to nearer to the end, and see how our BMW-bound boys are faring.

"Update UPDATE!" yells our fearless reporter. "Day 10 in the j***-stinking car." (Those asterisks don't stand for jazz, by the way. Would that they did.) "Original boy leaps out screaming shouting and flailing his limbs around. A minute or two later, original girl joins him. They throw open all the doors. There was a rodent in there, I kid you NOT! The pair is now out there with a broom whacking random leaves!"

To which there is clearly only one reply, helpfully supplied by bossybritches22: "StateofConfusion, if you don't fill the whole of Talk Roundup this week, AND get into Classics, I'm throwing my Pombears into the corner."

We live to serve... <bows> Can't abide wasted Pombears.

AITCH
 

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