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Talk Round-up

16 March 2012

Brittany Ferries

"DS1 having LOUD sex and I have had to tell them to shut up..." posted an embarrassed lilibet this week. "Honestly! I love my DS1 very much, but there is no 18-year-old boy alive who could make a girl shriek like that. DS2 went and banged on the door and said, 'Do you mind? Some of us are trying to revise'.  I had a word with them then but it's still not stopped, just they now can't be in his room with the door closed. They don't prepare you for conversations like this at antenatal classes."

"Perhaps you could text him to tell him he 'must take after his Dad [wink]' and comment on how lucky the girlfriend is... that may shame him to stop," suggested a sniggering OnlyWantsOne, but lilibet isn't convinced her child is even responsible.

"She's 17. And faking. Should I tell him? 'Listen, son...'"

KatieMiddleton thinks that toe-curling is the route to take, "Sit them down to talk about their noisy love-making. Make sure you refer to it as that, and use it often in the conversation. If you can shoe-horn in some references to you and his father 'understanding the passions of the flesh', so much the better!"

That's a nice, manipulative, yet feminine, approach. However, The5thFishy, was more direct. "Get your husband to shout 'Go on, my son!' outside the door at the vital moment." Oh yes. That'll work.

"This is worse than when I Immac-ed the baby! Help me!" yowled Honeydragon. (Do click through to the thread, by the way, as modesty and email security settings dictated the removal of some life-enhancing swearing). "I've stained the baby blue! Stupid DH bought her pens. She was colouring nicely with her back to me (insert wry laugh here) whilst I ironed, then turned around. Look at her! Her lips are blue too where she stuck her fingers in her mouth."

"SMURF!" yelled BelleEnd, as if Honey had asked for help identifying a new species of baby.

"Okay, don't panic," said ViviPru. Which sounded hopeful until it transpired her advice was, "You will need: A lump of charcoal. A bag of Salt and Vinegar Squares. Etc, etc, etc." Rubbish, basically.

"DS did this with a black marker," confessed spiderlight. "To his face. The day before he met Princess Anne at school. He is waaaay at the back in all the school's photos."

Entropygirl has tired of the back-biting and the bitching that is sometimes (like, once in a blue moon, yeah?) present on MN. "I think it would help AIBU if we could just identify the most educated MNer and then they could arbitrate in cases of 'people who think X are stupid but not as stupid as those who think Y'. So get your degree certificates out (or any other evidence of superior intellect) and let's sort this mess out once and for all!"

Northernlurker modestly put herself forward. "Well I have a 'good' degree from a 'good' university and I have a distinction in knowing everything, doing everything and being responsible for everything (or that's what my colleagues seem to think) so clearly this thread refers to me. I can also use Google, putting me streets ahead of many of the rest of you. <sticks out tongue in highly skilled and educated manner>" Now now, that's not the attitude...

"It's me. HTH," said KurriKurri, thoroughly neglecting to Show Her Working. Pagwatch, on the other hand, was all for sharing. "I went to a crap school and left after my A-levels. So I know nothing about anything. I just plod along really. Put me near the bottom. But above the f*** wits who watch Matthew Wright and think he's quite interesting. Thanks." I'm voting Paggy... but, hang on... another contender! Here's Honeydragon: "I have a degree, but I also currently have a bright blue baby."

I think we have THE WINNER, laydeez and gennilmen. Educated AND incompetent... that's the uber-MNer, bar none.


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