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Talk Round-up

9 March 2012Fisher price

QuintessentiallyHollow wanted to know the 'INSANE things' that 'forrin' MNers have said by mistake, opening with her own happy tale of NHS interaction involving Marilyn Monroe, laxatives and Calpol.

There followed various muttered misunderstandings, including lesley33 innocently asking a stranger for a poke ('meaning a brown paper bag', obviously), Danish flamingos, and Psammead delightedly announcing to her German MIL that she and her beloved had visited a strip bar (Naktbar) over the weekend, when she actually meant a neighbour (Nachbar).

Living in Hong Kong, where the language is Cantonese, however, has forced RealLifeIsForWimps into an unusual approach to bulk buying: "It's a tonal language, so every word has at least six meanings depending on the tone you use. 'Gau' can mean 'nine', 'help' or 'p*nis'. I just ask for 10 and throw one away."

"Can I just piss alone? Please?" begged ridethewave this week. Be our guest, ride, please do. (Apols for high pee-and-related-organs count in the Round-up this week, by the way. Not my fault, you're the ones writing the thing...)

Oh dear, it seems the confounding factor to her lounging around the loo area is marriage and children. "From sun-up to midnight someone needs something from me. If it's not my husband calling my name, it's my daughter or baby crying, or the dog following me around with its toy wanting to play. I can't even take a wee without hearing knocking or calling out or the dog whining to come in... Do you ever just get the urge to say: 'Ffffffffffffff*****************kkkkkkkkkk offfffffffffffffffffff everyone!!?'"

"Yes," agreed StateofConfusion. "When I was quietly having a dump and was interrupted no less than five times, the three-year-old even climbed on my lap. I've found the only way I get some peace is when hospitalised, and even then my DP pops up with pointless questions."

So basically, ridethewave, it's either put up with it or fake a concussion. That's good advice, right there... <throws self at wall>

Avoidinglibelaction has just Googled her ex-boyfriend: "It turns out he now runs a top London law firm and likes helicopters. I'm assuming he is a millionaire - should I do a kiss-and-tell?"

"No," advises catinboots. "Get back in contact and play innocent."

Very cunning, but consider Onesunnymorningin2012's warning: "My ex-BF is a fashion photographer these days. He's probably still a tight-arsed narcissistic baby-man with an ugly willy."

"Do you think that's his LinkedIn summary?" asked ViviPru, <Googling furiously>...

AITCH
 

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