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"I have just Ciffed my fanjo," announced... no, I'm not even telling you. Think about it. You know...
"What an utter doily I am," wailed ChaosTrulyReigns. "<squirms> It was lemon flavour with Acti-fizz. So that's mice [worried]."
"Is it the fizzing you were after?" asked travellingwilbury, purely out of medical interest, while kindly bumpybecky confessed to being more concerned about the mice.
So how on earth did this accident occur? Dirty taps, that's how. "I gave them a good spray and left the fizzing action to do all the work. Then I went for a wee, wiped the taps over with loo roll as I couldn't be bothered to fetch a cloth. I then absent-mindedly wiped my fanjo with the Ciffed-up paper."
"I bet it's clean though, and satisfyingly limescale free," quipped GwendolineMaryLacey, while JaneMare pointed out that at least "you won't have to wash your pants". But PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom suddenly appeared with a dire warning: "Oooooh I just thought - Chaos DON'T WEE - ammonia and cleaning product might explode!"
There followed an ominously long <SILENCE> from our fresh-nethered friend.
"I'm a leetle concerned that she's peed and has in fact gone kaboom," said StateofConfusion. Oh don't worry, State... she'll be back.
And now for some lovely news. Lesley33 is getting married, and we are all invited... "If you tell me one thing you would do that would make you a guest from hell." Happy to oblige, ma'am.
ShotgunNotDoingThePans didn't have far to look for an answer: "Get a gang of women together (including your mother) to give you the bumps. <twitches at memory>" While a peckish GrittersWifeAndProud reckoned: "I'd cut myself a nice, big piece of cake."
QueenKong didn't realise how controversial she might be with her plan to "start a rumour that the bride is pregnant", until lesley33 reappeared with the extra detail that she is: "Forty-seven and getting married to a woman. So you would cause quite a stir. You are in!" Curses. One less place for us.
Sadly, it fell to Pancakeflipper to provide what sounded like a True Life Story of wedding misbehaviour, and clinch the prized invite. "I would turn up in a smart outfit with a bright yellow Netto carrier bag and stand in all the photos at the front with my carrier bag on display. No-one would notice until the photos had been developed and the bright yellow carrier bag would haunt you forever."
Newsflash! "Engelbert Humperdinck is our Eurovision entry," announced DressTuckedInMeKnickers. "I always thought he was some kind of myth, a joke name and not a real singer!"
"I believe he may have name-changed," said ChippyMinton, solemnly. A namechanger, you say? Oh we aren't keen on them...