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Talk Round-up

27 January 2012Helpful Holidays

"You know that slightly irritating thing that namechangers do in order to legitimise their genuine MN credentials and not raise any suspicions of trollery?" asked ReshapeWhileDamp this week. "So they start a post with 'I'm a MN regular, been here years: Cod, River of Sweetcorn, Shopping Lists, She Who Must Not Be Named, Cube of Poo etc'."

Reshape went on to wonder if anyone had ever changed their name and proved their credentials with "entirely made-up MN classics".

"So. I'm a MN regular: The Disintegrating Cow Incident, Preying Mantises, Dumbo, Curtains of Shame, etc... God I'm bored this morning."

Your tedium is our source of entertainment. Really.

Look, BelleEnd agrees. "That is hilarious... I'm a MN regular: Taggart's piles, Philadelphia c*ckrot, Sweat beads, Loop earrings..."

Lisaro's an MN reg too, apparently: "Accidentally licked the Queen, Sideboard on fire again, Ginger pussy in garden, etc."

Oh dear, it does seem as if Reshape has hit on something. Is there nothing too outlandish for MN? "I'm trying to envisage a scenario whereby a regular MNer accidentally licks the Queen, and I'm afraid it's all too believable..."

Somebody ought to warn her Majesty that there's an MN Jubilee party in the offing.

StealthPolarBear thinks that while Buck Palace probably know how to run a decent bash, it might be time for the citizenry to bid for the gig. "I bet we could put something together that doesn't cost £££. Ideas needed - I'll start. Venue: she can have it here. We'll even open the back doors and people can go into the back garden. Cost: free (but maybe a couple of hundred quid for her train fare up - I can pick her up from the station and drop her back). So what's your contribution?"

"Put me down for potato salad," offered Faverolles, "with Hellmanns in case anyone (ahem) is pregnant."

"Do you think she might be?" gasped the prospective hostess. "At her age?"

And so it came to pass that Fregley did biteth considerably the hand that feedeth Mumsnet with: "BODEN - the endless threads about quality. These have been around since the dawn of time." Thus, she intoned from her lofty position on the Mount of (Waitrose) Olives...

"In the Beginning there was the word and the word was with Johnnie. And the word was Johnnie. Through him all clothes were made; without him nothing was made that was of bad quality. In him was sass and that sass was the light of women."

"And on the first day he invented appliqué and he saw that it was good," quoth WhereTheWildThingsWere.

"On the second day he matched lurid colours together and saw it was good," declareth Freg.

"And Lo! There was Hotch and later, Potch. Verily, Hotch begot Potch and the issue was eye-watering colourful," declaimed SuePurblyBilt.

"And season after season of shoes with kitten heels," chippeth in Bienchen.

"Then in a moment of divine brilliance, He created the discount code. And there was much rejoicing," sayeth WhereTheWildThings.

"And he did gather them and urged them speaketh yet to the masses - what of their favourite holiday moment? And they did exult in moonlight walks and hot salsa nights and deserted beaches. And yet he still urged them, liketh you strongest the smell of fresh cut grass or a baby's head? Then sayeth Thalia (33), that the glory was to be found in fresh baked bread. But the masses knew she speaketh with forked tongue and did Not Do Carbeths," preached SuePurblyBilt.

To which Cyb replieth: "Sue, you are GOOD at this."

"Sunday School, Cyb" winketh Sue...



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