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Nevergarglebrandybutter (a woman so keen on her splendid Christmas name that she is evidently disinclined to go back to the FILTH of her previous monicker) has been to the swimming pool.
"Am I being unreasonable," she enquired, with a degree of urgency that suggested she was still picking her undercrackers out of her fanjo, "to have expected a flume ride to feel the same as it did when I was a kid?"
"I go like a rocket now! I nearly got flipped over. Ankles over the side, the lot. And there's no brakes once you get your speed up. Crikey, I used to enjoy them - now it's quite obviously dangerous! <Note to self, you used to weigh 4st>"
For the science bit, over to hwjm1945: "I think that an adult woman of about 5"4 and about 10st stone, which is probably pretty average, is exactly the right size/shape from a quantum point of view to go like s**t off a stick on flumes. I know I did!"
Englishmummyinwales, having stifled her laughter, showed a degree of sympathy: "I went on one last year and was thinking, 'Blimey, I'm going faster than expected and who is that annoying woman shrieking at the top of her voice?' I landed very inelegantly, upside down in the little pool at the bottom and gradually realised that woman had been me..."
Likewise, Birnamwood had her own tale to tell: "In America I went on one of those really steep 'slide' flumes. No one told me to keep my legs crossed. I ended up with an enema, a douche and a fanjo floss from my swimming costume."
"Your foof must have been gleaming," commented Nevergargle, with what sounded like admiration in her voice, before mounting the podium to deliver her own MN Flumage Manifesto. "I urge all Mumsnetters who haven't been down a flume since achieving adult status to give it a go. Honestly, your life (and your swimsuit) may well flash before your very eyes."
Have your say in 2012, people. Vote Flume.
From political manifestos to obituaries... seamless, that's how we like the Round-Up.
"It's sad but true. One day your MNing time will pass. What would you like engraved on your MN headstone?" asked ChaosTrulyReigns this week.
"I think mine would say, "Who?" With a 'sceptical' emoticon for effect," said some poster we've never 'eard of called Faverolles or something. GreenEyesAndNiceHam offered the probably universal: "She came, she saw, she fannied around a bit."
GetOrfMoiiLand opted for: "Everyone thought she was 25 years older than she actually was." A statement that prompted MotherPanda to respond disbelievingly: "GetOrf - are you 70???"
"Just a wine glass engraved on mine, thanks," chirruped Valpolicella, while BackToBligg suggested: "She was a complete bitch, but namechanged often. God rest her soul."
Hang on a minute, though, forget about obits, the premise of the thread itself seems to have rocked DaenerysTargaryen to her very core. Her lip wobbled as she posted: "People leave?"
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