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"Help! What do I get engraved on DP's iPad?" begged FriggFRIGGYPudding.
OriginalChristmasPoster proposed the simple, loving: "Remember to speak to your wife even if she is less interesting than this gadget."
Aha, it turns out that Friggy is actually buying him the present in order to keep him away from her own beloved gizmo. This puts a rather different perspective on things.
Hohohoshedittant clearly thought so, striking a practical but generous gift-giving note with: "I was fecking expensive, don't drop me in the bath."
I think Steve Jobs already put that in the instruction manual, didn't he?
"AIBU to refuse to use my parents made-up name for their house?" asked MerryMarigold. "They used to live in a house which didn't have a number and had a name. My kids would get excited about going to blah blah cottage. Now they have moved somewhere where the house does have a number. But they miss having a name for their house, so they've given it a name. I just feel naff using the name."
"Is it Costa Fortune?" asked itsstartingtofeelalotlikexma. "Chateau d'Espaire? Villa Costalotti?" enquired Pandemoniaa.
So what IS the name, then? <drum roll> Ladies and gentlemen I give you... Providence Barn.
"Are they Amish?" asked SuePurblyBilt, with a non-God-fearing grin. "We're goin' to Granma's in the buggy. Dress plain now and starch your best bonnet."
Still, it's not all bad news. Providence Barn is nothing compared to Darnsarfupnorf's friend who, "moved into a house called 'The Joy Den', previous owners being Joyce and Dennis. There really are no words..."
There really, really are not.
"So, if you could clone yourself what would you use your clone for?" asked WitchofEndor, who has been thinking about this for Quite Some Time. "I would use 'me' to blowdry the back of my hair, put the duvet cover on and check if my bum really does look big in this."
"My clone would sleeeeeep," answered NormanTebbit, without even thinking. "But then I would grow to hate it." She began to panic: "What if it was thinner than me? What if it got a glamorous job and was more popular than me?"
This clone-induced paranoia is a new side to Norman, that's for sure. Just watch out for the generally unassuming poster lisaro. If she had a clone she'd use it for "an alibi". Gulp.
Back on the 6th of Jan, everyone, enjoy your Christmas and New Year celebrations, and as Sergeant Esterhaus used to say at the end of roll call on Hill Street Blues: "Hey, let's be careful out there."
Merry Christmas, one and all!
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