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Talk Round-up
2 December 2011

"Not really an AIBU," confessed Cathycomehome, "more a How Did I Get So WEIRD?"

In the absence of a purpose-built 'how did I get so WEIRD?' forum (HQ take note) she posted where'er the fancy took her, explaining her unusual problem thus.

"Both son and partner are obsessed by football. My son is also obsessed by the game FIFA Soccer 12 for Xbox. There is a lot of football on the telly in this house. The commentator on FIFA 12 is the voice of the chap who does the commentary on the real football... I have recently found that when watching football on TV, I DON'T BELIEVE IT IS REAL! I find myself thinking that it is in fact all an Xbox game, and the players are being controlled. That is properly weird, isn't it?"

Well, yeah, but oddly understandable. And wait, here's Velvetbee, an Even Bigger Freak.

"I told someone I couldn't meet up on the 1st of January because 'I'm sure I'm doing something…'. Then I remembered it's a wedding on The Archers."

"Has my fridge found religion?" asked a rather surprised RattusRattus. It's a Neff and less than a year old, yet when Ratty went to get water and ice from the dispenser she found: 'It won't respond and it says Sabbath on the display panel. No mention of this in the instruction booklet. Is this some fridge religious epiphany? Whilst I welcome religion in any form, I just am rather frustrated by the fridge observing the day of the Lord (especially when it's Thursday rather than Sunday)."

"Does it lock itself during Ramadan?" enquired WowOoo, which caused poor Ratty to glance at the calendar.

"It stayed in full working order throughout Ramadan but OMG it's Advent, isn't it, a period of fasting and preparation before Xmas. Is the Fridge observing Advent, then? What's going to happen when it's Lent?" 

But hang on a mo, there might be an upside... "If it's Roman Catholic, can I use my ownership of it to get my kids into the most excellent RC school in town?"

"Don't, whatever you do, throw in a Richard Dawkins book," advised hugglymugly, darkly.

'Tis the season for gifts and giving, which unfortunately means waiting in for deliveries. Unless you're ahhyesiseeyouvepooedonyourfoot, that is.

"How the HELL did my postman manage this?" she squealed. "He knocked this morning, which I ignored as I was feeding the baby. Came downstairs sometime later to find two large parcels INSIDE the house in the scullery by the back door. The LOCKED back door."

Cue... well, a whole lot of scullery envy and one or two vague theories, mostly involving Father Christmas.

"This reminds me of the MNer who came home from work to find parcels on her bed, with no-one in the house during the day to open the door," recalled Psammead. "The bedroom window was slightly ajar, so the working theory was that the postman had frisbeed them through somehow."

But was it actually locked?

"Definitely actually locked! AND no windows nearby," confirmed ahhyes. "When I gave birth to DD the postman noticed the cards in the window and gave me a card from him, so he does go above and beyond. Just not above and beyond the laws of physics, or so I thought..."

Hang on, this new information has given CalatalieSisters something to work with. "Since he was kind enough to notice the birth of your daughter," says she, twirling her Poirot-esque moustache, "I'm betting that the mysteries of childbirth inspired him to get a very large parcel through a very small catflap. Any sign that the catflap has had an episiotomy?"

AITCH
 

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