To subscribe/unsubscribe to Mumsnet newsletters, please use #unsublink#.
SWEATY BETTY IS FULL OF PERFECT GIFT IDEAS FOR SPORTY ONES. Check out our gift guides for the yogi, runner, triathlete, gym-goer and skier. Plus there's 15% off your first order until 30 November 2011 (excl. sale items and Fitflops).
11 November 2011
"So you take a tip from a MNer and end up with a 2.5 kilo heart sat in your kitchen," observed Slubberdegullion this week. (What hellacious version of the Swears By email has she been reading?!)
It's not like she hadn't been warned about the possible mass of her meatstuff, as Slub herself acknowledged: "'They are quite big,' said the butcher when I ordered it, all full of optimism after the cheap beef cuts thread. Well she wasn't bloody wrong."
As Slubber put it, in her customary pithy style: "Just look at the huge offally bastard." (For those who have clicked and are currently staring in wonderment, the Playmobil veterinarian riding a unicorn is 'for scale'.)
"Are you actually Snow White's Stepmother?" asked a horrified RealityIsADistantMemory. Sparklingbrook, meanwhile, was counting her blessings: "I took a tip from a fellow MNer and ended up making a yummy marmalade cake. I must have struck lucky."
"Has the Playmobil person got a stethoscope?" queried tabulahrasa. "If he can't tell from there whether it's beating or not, I can't really see that helping."
"I am SO, SO glad I am not cooking a heart tonight," sighed glitterkitty, genuflecting lightly. "Thank you Playmobil Jesus."
"I have two zombies in my back garden..." declared ElizabethPonsonby, peeping out from behind the curtains. "They are playing on the swing. Is the next step eating my brains?" Worrying stuff, perhaps it's time to pack the OFRS?
"Is your name Shaun?" asked MandaHugandKiss. "I suggest a box of vinyl records." It's too late for that, dammit, as ElizabethPonsonby reports that: "They are now stabbing me with play swords."
ScarahStratton was relaxed about the unfolding horror, shrugging, "it's better than biting you". Not to worry, they're not the flesh-eating kind. Elizabeth seems to have been invaded by vegetarian undead: "A Babybel seems to have placated them for now." Heaven help her if they're lactose intolerant.
Medical emergency! "Quick help needed - kids have just cleaned their teeth with my Canesten Cream!" shrieked TheFeministsZombieBride. "It was on the windowsill in the bathroom and for some reason DD1 decided it was a new toothpaste. I'm pretty certain neither has swallowed any although they were both complaining of the taste."
Now here's the brilliant thing about Mumsnet. No matter how catastrophically thick and gittish you have been, there is always someone, well, more thick and gittish. Here's Oakmaiden. "Erm... I have been told by NHS Direct that it is not harmful if eaten. Apparently not even if your child eats a whole tube," she confessed. "Although it still won't stop them getting oral thrush."
CHRISTMAS SHOPPING? Try the Gift Guide on Mumsnet, from Give as you Live. Buy gifts for family and friends from thousands of leading stores and create wish lists. Every gift raises money for your favourite charity.