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4 November 2011
It was all fur and feathers this week, as animal-loving MNers were out in force. We begin with purplewerepidj, who made a gruesome find. "A small fluffy bundle on top of a wall," she declared, pityingly. "I checked it out on the way home, and it's a dead cat." What to do? "A. Nothing? B. Go back with a cardboard pet carrier and contact the local vet in the morning?"
She didn't think she was heartless enough for option A and option B is "logical but I would have to store it in the dustbin, which seems disrespectful".
"You're a good person," smiled KatharineClifton and, bathed in the glow of MN approval, purple got out her rubber gloves and did the decent thing. "It's safe with me," she reported, sadly. "The vet is only two mins away so I'll take it in first thing tomorrow. It's tiny."
But oh dear, our purp's moment of heroism was not to be. Here's the latest. "For anyone still following, I have made a total twit of myself. It wasn't a dead cat. It was a toy cat. I dropped it off at the vet this morning, and they just rang back to tell me." Fur real? Oh yes, indeed...
Meanwhile, in Reastie's house... "A biscuit fell down my chimney. I kid you not! If you see any elves looking lost and worried, please point them the way of our house, for I fear we may have Santa stuck in the chimney." Now THAT would be an emergency.
Bagelmonkey was on to something, however, wanting to know: "What kind of biscuit?" You what? Here comes a suspiciously knowledgeable BananaChoc, with the science bit: "The RSPB carried out independent research in 2009 into why birds are attracted to biscuits: 78% of robins prefer Rich Tea, 69% of starlings prefer Hobnobs, 58% of thrushes prefer Custard Creams, but only 11% of birds from all groups were tempted by Jaffas as they may have been confused if they were a biscuit or cake. There probably is a nest in the chimney, so you are best advised to get a secure lid on your biscuit tin to avoid surreptitious raids." Gosh.
"I can confirm that I believe it to be a piece of Digestive," reported Reastie. "Banana - what does your info say about Digestives?"
"I didn't want to frighten you with regards to Digestives," replied BananaChoc. "They are the 100% firm favourite of these birdies... Death Valley in America is littered with skeletal remains of hapless tourists still clutching McVitie's wrappers."
Finally, Bathsheba has, well, too much time on her hands. "So, last night I was sitting here wondering what making love to Daddy Pig would be like. I presume he'd say, 'Of course, I'm a bit of an expert at this,' then get lost, get grumpy and then deny being grumpy. DH has been away for two weeks." You don't say.
Fortunately, TiggyD was on hand to dampen Bathsheba's ardour. "Bear in mind that Daddy Pig will have a penis shaped like a corkscrew." Yes, please do bear that in mind. "Brainwipe, please!" ordered Josephinebonaparte - and every single other MNer on the planet.
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