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30 September 2011
"I want to call my baby Avocado," confessed allhailtheaubergine this week. "Hear me out," she pleaded. Frankly, she's a desperate woman.
"Guacamole?" offered BluddyMoFo, hospitably... Oh no, hang on, she's still talking names. "Guacamole would work for a girl OR a boy." Mistressploppy was one of several to point out that: "Avocado comes from the Latin American 'ahuacatl' meaning testicle!" (Seriously, don't take on MNers in a pub quiz, their minds are full of this guff.) But Northey gamely persevered with 'Eve Ocado', a name that combines forbidden fruit with expensive but always perfectly ripe fruit.
"I'm loving this saga," declared Schobe. "You're going to end up calling her Jane."
Tianc has just started reading Elizabeth Gaskell's Mary Barton and she reckons she's unearthed a historical MNer. "There on p16 is a shopping list with... ' nice ham'." Nice ham? If Gaskell starts going on about sausage rolls and Mooncups, we're all in trouble. So who else might have been One Of Us, had but th'internet been inventimacated yon?
Tiddlerslate thinks: "Sylvia and Emmeline Pankhurt would have rocked the Feminism board." "Emily Davison: I'm posting from my iPhone inside a cupboard in Houses of Parliament! Cannot wait to see the look on the census collector's face," chuckled Tianc, in response.
But WannaBeMarryPoppins wondered what Alice in Wonderland's parents might have posted. Something about "their daughter's apparent drug use" on the Teenager board? Curiouser and curiouser.
Who amongst us, upon seeing the post "WWYD? The Saga of the Family Tuna", didn't think that this was an anguished 'My child won't eat fish' thread? But no, it was infinitely, infinitely more complicated than that. Let me pass you over to PomBearAtTheGatesOfDawn.
"DD (9) has a toy caterpillar named Sydney Tuna, she liberated him from a car boot sale when she was just gone two and has adored and worshipped him ever since. Last Christmas Santa brought his mummy, Mrs Mabel Tuna, to live with us. She had missed Sydney since he went to seek his fortune, so had written to Santa to ask him to find Sydney, and Santa gave her a lift to our house on his sleigh. Cue rejoicing and carolling and so on...
"DD now informs me that this Christmas, Mrs T and Sydney are writing jointly to Santa to find Mr Tuna, who rejoices in the name Miguel apparently, and is in the army, fighting for the peace-loving resistance caterpillars who want to stop the slaughter between the Marmite and the maple syrup factions. I kid you not AND I kept a straight face while DD told me all this. So, I can lay my hands on a caterpillar identical to Mrs Tuna, but how can I make him look like he's been liberated from the army/prisoner of war camp/somewhere else suitable to have kept him away for a long time?"
Still with us? An insect insurrectionist? A pestilential POW? A military fritillary? Your ideas, please.
"Might he have grown a beard and a moustache (some caterpillars are pretty hairy)?" suggested RatherBe, while Edam proposed a medal: "Clearly he is hero material."
As to the Christmas Day reunion itself, Honeydragon predicted "Disney will be watching..." (along with millions of MNers) before suggesting: "When your DD turns 21, you HAVE to get her another. Mr Tuna's illegitimate son from his years in captivity, with the laundry maid who showed him a brief but tender kindness."
Only Yourefired asked the obvious question: "Would he not be a butterfly by now?" An excellent point, but if anyone can talk her way out of that particular narrative bind, it's PomBear's DD, wouldn't you say? [Marmite-ista]
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